Archive for July, 2010

29
Jul
10

In Which I Rehash A Comment From An Older Post

It seems that both Anson and Calvinist have trouble differentiating between “chivalry” and “manners.”Here’s the difference:

Good manners are, well, good manners. Holding the door for someone, returning their wallet, escorting a fink’s children from the room before you take a mallet to the fink’s kneecaps. Being considerate and helpful because it’s right.

Chivalry is adopting the pretense of good manners to put women in an awkward position. That’s the shortest definition I could come up with. You can go in more detail, and read in-depth examples, here.

Through day to day life, it may not matter much whether someone is being chivalrous or polite, as long as the good deed gets done. But since chivalry isn’t rooted in good intentions, that’s not always the case.

Example: I had always been raised to believe that holding doors open was the polite thing to do, regardless of the sex of the participates. If I arrive at the door first, I’m going to hold it open for you. Most people gladly accept that act of politeness, including the vast majority of boys and men. But believe it or not, some guys raise a stink when I do this.

The most memorable incident was in college. I was walking to the cafeteria, there was a guy (a stranger) some distance behind me walking the same direction. So I held the door open, like I always did. Dude got to the door and assumed a face like a deer in headlights. Actually, it was more like a deer in headlights who was also indignant at the sheer audacity of those headlights, beaming on him like they were something. But there was delicious chicken parmesan waiting beyond the passage, so he went on through.

Not before glaring at me and muttering “bitch” under his breath, though.

He isn’t the only one. Usually the guy just glares. One time I was reaching a door, a guy broke into a run in a desperate attempt to get there before I did, and assumed a dirty look when I obliviously stole his thunder.

He was just a Nice Guy(tm)! Why did I have to be such a bitch, holding a door for him? Lucky me, he was such a Nice Guy(tm) that he merely glared at me instead of audibly saying what he was thinking!

These “gentlemen”, of course, aren’t. They only adopt the polite act to inflate their sense of self-worth. When thwarted by the target, even if it was unintentional (keep in mind, the vast majority of men are not bothered by my door-holding), their true colors show.

A chivalrous guy gets butthurt when confronted with a door-holding woman. A polite guy says “thank you” and walks on through. That’s the difference.

28
Jul
10

I’m Rita Crowell and I Disprove This Message

You all recall the Theory of Rita-tivity, yes? That graceful triumph of science that explained how objective reality and Rita Crowell’s statements are not merely in disagreement, but are in fact equal opposing forces of the other?

May no naysayer doubt the practicality of such a model, especially around election time. Rita speaks and cements the urgency to vote no on Prop C.

Also, there is this paragraph:

Just as Lincoln’s Civil War set aside states’ rights to thwart the slaves of the south from being free men, the people of the states must rise up to thwart the evil socialistic trend of our present federal government in order to live as free men.

Wait, what?

Lincoln’s Civil War set aside states’ rights to thwart the slaves of the south from being free men

set aside states’ rights to thwart the slaves


State’s rights


thwart the slaves

27
Jul
10

Kaje has a Word of Caution About Wikileaks!

You probably can guess, as a certified Bill Hicks quotedropper and Mohammed doodler, where I fall on the Wikileaks controversy. I’m on the side of AIIIGHT.

However, being a certified user of the word “woo”, I am also on the side of “laypeople can be trusted to interpret technical language from an unfamiliar field like faith healers can be trusted with not killing and maiming their kids.”

This is the lesson we learned from a previous Wikileak incident dubbed Climategate. Climate scientists used jargon specific to data presentation in private emails with other climate scientists, the emails were leaked to non- climate scientists, and the jargon was swiftly misinterpretated by frothing stupids.

Before anyone makes any conclusions from these leaks, be sure you know exactly what context the leaks should be interpreted!

Unless it clearly depicts soldiers murdering known civilian reporters. There’s not much context that’s OK in. Go nuts in that case.

18
Jul
10

An Example of Doublethink

If you’re a high school student, you may have George Orwell’s 1984 on your summer reading list. This novel pioneered the idea of “doublethink”– using a contradictory term to distort the meaning of the original concept. In the book, the slogans WAR IS PEACE, FREEDOM IS SLAVERY, and IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH are examples of doublethink.

You may be asked to provide a real-life example of Newspeak and doublethink. Well, I got one for you! In today’s Joplin Globe, Kathryn Jean Lopez pimps the latest fake conservative “grassroots movement,” the Mama Grizzlies.

A really stupid column by K-Lo

K-Lo’s dilemma is this: Misogyny is a conservative concept. It’s tradition, it’s the old way of doing things. The cure for it is feminism, which is a liberal concept, and oh by the way as been demonized by the right every since bitches started wearing bloomers. Now how do you attract women to a movement that is inherently anti-woman? The easiest way is by using “doublethink.”

In this article, K-Lo advocates for women who happen to fit the anti-feminist ideal of women- constantly reproducing (and of course they never have reproductive issues that would necessitate TEH ABORTIONZ- at least none you’ll ever hear about), always willing to stab all other women in the back, ectomorphic, and never ever threatening male insecurities (“Hey! ‘Mama Grizzlies’ makes me think of hunting! These chickies are all right!”). In womanist and feminist circles, these women are called “colluders“. But instead of rallying against feminism, which would be too damning and honest, K-Lo prefers to muddy the waters by claiming that what she’s doing is feminism.

Throughout the article, she can’t help but drop illogical anti-feminist bomb after illogical anti-feminist bomb. She mentions how women are risk averse, yet they voted the “risky and scary” Obama administration into office (maybe it’s only Republican women who are whimpering, easily-frightened infants? Republicans period?). She mentions chivalry like it’s a good thing. She hilariously refers to MG’s as “scads of attractive women”, because OMG FEMINISTS ARE FAT AND DUMPY AMIRITE? And of course, she lets the men have the last word. Actually, she has the last word, but she says that guy has the last word because she’s stupid and doesn’t understand the meaning of “last word”.

Wa-lah! By dressing up a negative idea with its positive opposite, K-Lo hopes to make you swallow the idiotic b.s. that your mothers and grandmothers fought bravely against, making you easy to fall under her party’s control. War is peace, freedom is slavery, Stepford Wives are feminists.

If you need more examples of doublethink, by the way, just hop on over to the National Review website. K-Lo’s articles are always chock full of them. Your English teacher is sure to be impressed!

EDIT: I probably should have left this to the advanced patriarchy blamers, because they’re so much more awesome than I.

15
Jul
10

Hollywood, Racism and Trophy Hunting Aliens

My movie review protocol is hindered when it comes to monster movies, as my critical mind is temporarily overwhelmed by my reptilian hindbrain that loves to watch monsters tear various living things apart. For example, here’s my review, in its entirety, of 2005’s King Kong remake from my old Xanga blog:

OMG dinosaurs and giant gorillas and giant bugs and bats and they’re all fighting OMG so cool but then the gorilla died and I was sad.

Yesterday I saw Predators with a friend. I enjoyed the movie, don’t get me wrong, but somehow other things besides awesome monster fights leaked through. My slightly above kindergarten-level review is such:

There are aliens that hunt stuff called Predators. They dropped Adrian Brody on a planet, then he found other dudes and a chick and they all spazzed out and tried to kill each other. Then they all were obnoxious stereotypes. The Yakuza guy walked barefoot and was quiet because he was an exotic Japanese guy. The Mexican guy was a drug runner and he died first because he was old and not white. They walked around until they went like “oh hey we’re in space”. Then some alien dogs show up and they fought and then the dudes found the Predators and fought them and they killed the black guy. Then Laurence Fishburne was nutzoid and then the Predators made him explode and then the Predators chased the people some more. A Predator shot a Russian, but then he blew up the Predator so it was ok. A Predator ripped out a guy’s spine and that was cool. The Yakuza guy knew how to swordfight because he was Japanese and they all know martial arts. He fought a Predator and died. There was also a little Predator that was picked on by the big Predators and then Adrian Brody let it go. The little Predator and the big Predator fought and the little Predator lost. Then Topher Grace was nutzoid. Then Adrian Brody fights the Predator and it loses and I was sad. Then there was weird political subtext when the only survivors were the white Israeli chick and the white American dude. Then Little Richard started playing for some reason. The end. I like monsters.

You know you’re going to have trouble enjoying things when sociology bubbles around in your id. But I can’t help it really. Every day I see more evidence that Hollywood is really really freaking racist (along with sexist). You may have seen it too. The most blatant and newsworthy recent example is The Last Airbender.

If you haven’t heard about it: Avatar: The Last Airbender was a cartoon on Nickelodeon about this fantasy world of element themed nations. It managed to be insanely popular with critics and audiences despite having little to no white people in the cast (disclaimer: I haven’t watched the show). The show was such a hit that Hollywood decided to make a life action movie with M. Night Shyamalan directing. Airbender fans were happy (assuming they weren’t familiar with Shyamalan’s horrible work) until the casting info was released.

Turns out nearly all of the main characters, who were based on several Inuit and Asian cultures, were made white for the movie. Non-white roles were reserved for extras and bad guys. Post-racial society, you guys.

Hollywood seems to have bitten off more than it can chew in this case. Due to the efforts of the fanbase, nearly every critic was made aware of the casting choices and added it to the adaptation’s many offenses, such as being an M. Night Shyamalan movie. It’s at 8% at rottentomatoes.com, which is simply embarrassing.

Something tells me this won’t make studio execs think that making movies with white leads is too risky. Funny that.

Even if Paramount learns its lesson from this, it has a long way to go. On this racebending.com series of posts, the stats on race at Paramount pictures are stark:


This is probably similar to most Hollywood studios. Predators was made by Troublemaker Studios, which is certainly making better movies then Paramount. I need to see more Troublemaker movies and see if they fare worse or better in the Non-white dude rates.

Knock it off, Hollywood. We all equally deserve to zone out and  enjoy monster-on-monster violence.

13
Jul
10

I Guess I Got Off Easy

You all recall Everybody Draw Mohammad Day, correct? Recall how I was asked by the Globe to take down my silly Rubber Hose Mohammad cartoon? Recall how Kajed Heat was removed from the Globe’s blogroll page, and has yet to be restored?

All in all, I got off easy. At least no one put me on a hit list. The same can’t be said for Molly Norris, who started the meme:

Yemeni-American cleric Anwar al-Awlaki – the radical who has also been cited as inspiring the Fort Hood, Tex., massacre and the plot by two New Jersey men to kill U.S. soldiers – singled out artist Molly Norris as a “prime target,” saying her “proper abode is hellfire.”

The New York Daily News article also mentions Inspire, the badly translated “Al Qaeda’s Tiger Beat.” Seriously, that sounds freaking hilarious. It conjures a mental picture of teenage girls ogling swarthy doe-eyed hotties with full beards and government approved haircuts. I want a copy of this magazine so bad, just for the lulz.

12
Jul
10

Joplin Globe Madness! How to Make Your Obama Screed Stand Out

Pity the poor anti-Obama Globe letter! They are so many in number, and so uniform in their complaints, that it’s difficult for one to stand out among the teeming throng.

There are two main ways you can make your letter shine: the Mel Gibson route, and the Kathleen Parker route. With the former, you let the thin veil on your racist motives slip a nip. With the latter, you just be more jaw-droppingly trucknuts than everyone else.

They’re not mutually exclusive, of course. In today’s paper, Randy Brown relies mostly on the Kathleen, with a mere dash of scary-black-thug Meling. Savor these nuggets:

I knew electing an inexperienced, radically trained, egotistical orator would be a tragic mistake. I knew he saw in himself as a potential dictator every time he gave his speeches on high, with his nose elevated, speaking down to his subjects; not to mention what he was actually saying.

Who is this jackbooted egomaniac President Obama that sticks it to bipartisanship and spanks Real Merkins ™ like the spoiled rotten brats they are? What country is he president of? Can I move there?

And, just when you think the worst might has passed, the nightmare of what could be the tipping-point looms in the form of 2011, which may heretofore be known as the year of crushing government — in the form of huge tax increases, regulation, amnesty, and defense slashing, during a deepening recession.

Defense slashing! Regulation! How will the country run without laser planes and BP wells?!?

Even if the Republicans take back Congress, can their historically weak spines be relied upon?

…maybe this letter will make more sense if I switch the parties around. *reads* Nope. Still goofymail from WahWahLand.

Maybe the Katrina oil leak will finally have been stopped by then, leading to a decade of extensive clean up.

Wait…Katrina oil leak? I heard the leak was Obama’s Katrina, but blaming it on the actual hurricane (and by extension, blaming the hurricane on Obama) is a wee bit ridiculous.

If we could revisit the 2008 election, with today’s lessons learned, perhaps the electorate would realize that Mitt Romney was always the correct choice for taming the economic storm, not a pick based on racial guilt and clear reading.

"NO I WILL NOT MAKE OUT WITH YOU RANDY BROWN!"

That was a little mean-spirited and didn’t have much to do with anything, but Billy Madison is on. It’s my blog, so shut up. Have fun getting the godbot teabaggers to vote for a Mormon.

Randy, I hope you take some time out, go back to school and learn how to smart with your brains. But in the meantime, congrats on such an outstanding Anti-Obama Screed!




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