Out!

Today marks the first day of my being a completely, 100% out atheist. Including the family!

You know what? It wasn’t terrifying at all. In fact, it was a huge relief. It certainly wasn’t so dread-worthy that it required over a decade of pussy-footing around. I feel like a dunce for not doing it earlier, at my own discretion.

When you’re in a closet, all you see is one door. It’s a big, imposing door and it’s right in your face. All you can think about is what’s behind that stupid thing?  What if it’s no good? What if everyone on the other side wants you to stay in there? Will it be like before?

At some point, however, that stupid door opens. You’ve hyped it in your head so intensely for so long that the reality is…underwhelming.

And then you blink and stand in the light and it feels so damn good!

And you see people that love you.

And there are more doors, stretching in the hallway beyond, but these doors are open and nonthreatening and there’s so damn many of them!

That there is the future, my friend.

If you’re in a closet, OPEN THE DOOR AND GET OUT. Don’t wait for someone else to do it for you, like I did!

Protected: Something That Happened This Weekend (password:”rain”)

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Joplin Globe Madness: GET IN MA BELLAH

Calzones may be one of the most delicious and tempting of pizza products, but nutritionists warn that both their health value and political ideologies are complete garbage.

Take for example Ron Calzone, the cheesy meat pastry who serves as state coordinator of Citizens in Charge Animal Abuse Apologists R Us, who’s arguing for a repeal of Prop B. His argument? By telling people not to churn out animals like morels, we are infringing upon their (Missouri) constitutional rights. I imagine the make-puppies-live-in-their-own-feces right is covered in Amendment Eleventeen, which also covers smoker’s rights.

Put another way, the people lack jurisdiction to limit a breeder to 50 breeding dogs because such limits amount to a limitation on one’s right to earn a living — “the pursuit of happiness and the enjoyment of the gains of their own industry.”

According to this, Missouri should be a lawless libertarian paradise a la Somalia. You hear that, John Putnam? Stop bitching about porno shops- they’re entitled to enjoy the gains of their own industry!

Ditto goes the war on drugs! Woo! Free meth for everybody!

Maybe now you can fulfill your dream of opening up an unaccredited medical clinic in your basement. After all, who are out-of-touch liberal voters to say you have to have a medical degree before you start fondling people’s naughties? Maybe now John Putnam can get the prostate massage he so desperately needs.

By the way– you notice how the only time rightwingers remember the “tyranny of the majority” is when a majority of people think their business practices are immoral? It’s similar to how the only time they’re concerned for how policies affect their grandchildren is when OMG TAXES.

It’s almost like their only concern in the entire fegging world…is money. WWJD?

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Also hey! Did you know prop B was on the Daily Show last night?

Dear High Schools, Courts, Entire Freaking World…

Dear Whomever It May Concern,

Why you gotta take such a massive dump on sexually assaulted and harassed high school girls?

Yes, I realize you’re in the business to put all silly bitches the world over in their place, regardless of age or grade level. Still, allow me to focus on high school girls for this post.

After I reported the two boys who sexually harassed me to the point I couldn’t attend class, I thought the school was being incredibly tactless to force me to walk with one of them on my graduation day. I figured most people would think that messing up alphabetical order was slightly less important than humiliating and terrifying a student, on what should have been one of the happiest days of her life, by making her interact with this remorseless assclown.

Now, however, I realize that such things are par for the course, and I got off easy. There’s a lot of things more important than the comfort of rape victims.

Like team sports!

The court dismissed a free-speech suit by a Texas teenager who was kicked off the cheerleading squad for sitting silently, with her arms folded, while her assailant shot free throws in a playoff game.

The former cheerleader and her family are appealing the ruling by the Fifth U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals in New Orleans, which includes an order to pay the school district’s legal fees on the grounds their suit was far-fetched and frivolous.[...]

Her father came out of the stands – where the fans, he said, were mocking the girl – to join his crying daughter. After a shouting confrontation with the school administrators, he, his wife and their daughter left the game.

In the following weeks, H.S. said, “it was my family against the community” of Silsbee, a town of 6,300 where “football is everything. … They were the star athletes and I was standing up to them.”

She said youths shouted “slut” at her as she drove to school with her younger sister, who soon transferred to another school.

[...]The appeals court reached the same result by a different route. Even if H.S. was symbolically speaking through her silence, the court said, she had no right to do so.

“In her capacity as cheerleader, H.S. served as a mouthpiece through which (the district) could disseminate speech – namely, support for its athletic teams,” the three-judge panel said in a Sept. 16 ruling.

But again, it could have been worse. Neither I nor H.S. were bullied by classmates until we killed ourselves after we told, like what happened to Samantha Kelly.

A 14-year-old girl who was taunted by classmates after she accused an older student of rape has committed suicide, Detroit media reported.

Samantha Kelly, a freshman at Huron High School, hanged herself Monday in her family’s mobile home in Huron Township, Mich., according to reports in the Detroit News and Detroit Free Press.

Other students had harassed her and called her a liar after they learned that she was the accuser in the case against Joseph Tarnopolski, 18, a senior at the school.

And these stories were just in the past two days! This is disregarding all the young women in the past this has happened to.

I want to know why, whomever it may concern.

More Meltdowns from the No on Prop B Page

Play along here. Screencaps below the jump. May not be work safe.

Stay Classy, Anti-Prop B People

The election is over, and I don’t really feel too bad. My philosophy was the same I apply to the rest of my life– I pegged mostly everything as hopeless, so I could only be pleasantly surprised.

Such as in the case of Sharron Angle’s defeat, Colorado’s Personhood amendment, and of course, our very own Prop B.

I was initially torn about Prop B. It sounded good and I knew it pissed off teabaggers so it was probably right. But even my corollary to the Theory of Rita-tivity wasn’t completely reassuring. My main concerns were that the excess animals would most likely be euthanized, and that puppy mills would just be driven underground. But after careful consideration, reading both sides, I finally decided to commit to voting yes.

So I did. So did most Missouri voters.

I checked the reaction on the yes and no on Prop B Facebook event pages. On the latter, I found confirmation that I made the right choice.

Note the second response

It was quick thinking, Cheri Medlin Cason, to submit a correction to the typo that slipped through in your CALL FOR ASSASINATION.

On FACEBOOK. With your NAME ATTACHED.

DUMBASS.

I worry for Mr. Oboma’s safety. Whoever he is.

Joplin Globe Madness: Belated War On Halloween (I Think) Edition

Last year I had a bit of fun ragging on Christian Not-Halloween Parties. This year, Elisabeth Earhart agrees.

I think.

I dunno, she kind of hits every base. She rags on Fake-oweens, childhood obesity, the helicopter parent craze, and the nanny state . And she is disgusted. DISGUSTED! With what specifically, who can say.

Some More Pics–Now With Words and Stuff!

This comic lay unfinished in my basement for two years. I thought it was somewhat topical, so I dug it out and did a rush ink job. It’s super sloppy and still has pencil marks and doesn’t have much of a punchline and may be interpreted as a threat, but eh.

THIS COMIC HAS NAUGHTY WORDS. ENJOY! (it’s below the jump)

Some Pics