Creation Science Counter-Quiz

You’ve probably seen this picture already: a real quiz from a private school in South Carolina.

I really want to know why 8, 9 and 10 were omitted.

Says the father of the girl who took the test in question:

I didn’t know that this was being taught to her until we heard a radio commercial together about the Discover the Dinosaurs exhibit was coming to the TD Convention Center [in Greenville, South Carolina].

The Commercial starts out, “After 65 million years, the dinosaurs have returned …” She commented immediately that it was only four thousand years ago. When I corrected her, she snapped back, “Were you there?” I have since taught my daughter differently, but I am sure she is confused now and plan to make sure she understands that teachers are people too and
can be factually wrong.

The test showed up [at] home a day later to my disgust.

It’s a great school for Reading, Writing and Math. She is ahead of most of her peers and also is taking Latin there. But I now know to be vigilant for the rest of the year about her science teachings.

She will not be attending the school next year …

You have to wonder just exactly what he expected. It’s a private religious school in South Carolina. They’re not going to compete in the state science fair, that’s for certain.

Still, it’s a shame that his kid, among many others, is being so woefully misinformed by Blue Ridge Christian Academy. Now that this has come to light, perhaps other parents wish to un-brainwash their kids. Perhaps with a Creationism Studies class? Allow me to help that along, with my beta 4th grade Creation Science Studies Quiz!

Many thanks as always to talk.origins.org, where I spent many a day in my high school years when I should have been going to proms and sports and shit.

You can download a blank PDF here. Happy standardized testing, everybody!

Check Out My Repainted Allosaurus

With Jurassic Park  now released in 3D, some new toys were released as well. Such as this Allosaurus figure, which has a really ugly ass color scheme.

Also, the tail is too short.

I decided to make it a pretty, or at least less stupid looking.

I started off with a spraypainted coat of grey primer, and then a cream colored coat of acrylic.

By this time I decided to base the color scheme of a male green iguana in breeding colors. I started building up the green and orange shades with matte medium.

And then, Payne’s Gray tail stripes and a blueish tint for the head:

Don’t forget speckles! We need speckles.

I decided to deviate from the green iguana template, and give the gums and tongue a hyper-blue color.

Quite a bit of detail work and dark washes later, and here it is:

The tail is still too goddamn short.

Joplin Globe Madness: WHAT DID I TELL YOU?!?

Well, actually, I told you nothing, because when Marta Mossburg wrote that stupid ass column last week, I wrote a rough draft for a post, and then abandoned it because I couldn’t condense my rage into a cohesive post. Basic gist: History Channel is emboldening stupid people. Again. This time with The Bible, their new stupid miniseries.

I seriously just published that a few minutes ago, for context to this post. Read it here. It’s a rough draft. Be gentle.

Anyway, look here! My prophecy came true! Turns out humoring stupid beliefs just emboldens the belief holders! Like Bryan Sperry here. The Bible is the springboard for some good ol’ JGM godgunnery.

I was watching the TV version of “The Bible.” I noticed all of the beatings and killings did not involve a single gun.

Also scientists that lived before 1860 did not believe in evolution, and Alexander the Great conquered the western world without launching a single plane. Continuity is weird like that.

Taking away our guns is not the solution. It is the first thing that a would-be dictator would do. If people would accept Christ as their savior, it would be a much better world.

Remember kids…all powerful, megalomaniacal sociopathic control freaks are bad. Unless he lives in the clouds. Then he’s cool.

Of course, there are those groups that will not allow their members to even read about Christ. This is the height of ignorance. They are apparently afraid of the truth. I was in church today with about 2,000 people. What a pleasant experience to be with that many people who know how to love.

Five bucks says most of those people sitting next to him haven’t actually read the damn thing. Research backs me up.

I helped fight the Germans in the Battle of the Bulge, and the Lord was with me every step of the way. The Belgians are very appreciative now. I recently wrote a book to help young people to know how to live their life to the fullest as a born-again Christian.

He must not have published it yet, because I can’t turn anything up on Google . I did find this artist from Chicago with the same name. Pittsburg Bryan Sperry should have Chicago Bryan Sperry do the cover art. That might trick the kids into reading it.

I wonder, if the History Channel stuck with their usual fare, what would have inspired Bryan to write this?

I’ve noticed that people have killed each other for centuries without guns…but how could they, with such primitive technology?

It Must Be True, I Saw it on History Channel

I listen to K-LOVE every weekday now, although not by choice. For those of you unfamiliar, K-LOVE plays “positive, encouraging” Christian music and is repetitive aural garbage, but I repeat myself.*

One day they were talking about The Bible. It’s a Christian music station, of course, but they weren’t talking about the the Bible-Bible, they were talking about The Bible series on the History Channel. Dusty can sum it up much better than I can,

The lady K-Love host was gushing. Paraphrasing here (I can’t be arsed to find a transcript for a date I can’t recall on a station I hate) she said “This all is real, it’s not a fairy tale!”. So good job, cable TV. You pander to the stupid people for a quick buck and in doing so you humor their stupid beliefs.

“Seriously, Kaje, History Channel runs Bigfoot specials and Ancient Aliens. Everyone knows that they just play bullshit nowadays. What’s the worry?”

Well, apparently the K-Love hosts don’t know that. Neither does a whole lot of the general public. Neither does Marta Mossburg, the Joplin Globe’s favorite gibbering nitwit Marylander. Keep on telling the masses what they want to hear. A talking snake is not jaw-droppingly idiotic. Hollywood persecutes Christians. Our depiction of the most popular religion in the world is somehow edgy.

Marta’s column is mostly about the latter hopeless falsehood, which is easily debunked. Hollywood (as if the entertainment industry is a monolith, which it isn’t) doesn’t shy away from godbaggery and conservative bullshit. Especially not The History Channel. Here’s something interesting I found on STFUConservatives: An anonymous poster who claims to work in TV programming said this:

We get told things like ‘our demographic doesn’t want to see women as scientist experts’ and so forth. Those people are told that by people above them who are told that by ratings and research and statistics. So, you see, it’s a sick incestuous cycle. More conservatives watch, and so they cater more shows to that audience.

Get that? History Channel isn’t being super brave and risk-taking. It’s par for the course for them. Psuedohistorical bullshit and pandering is their bread and butter.

*People who are afraid of sexual feelings just need to stay away from all forms of art.

But We Do Need Grenade Launching Pistols. Because Freedom.

I was surprised to reach the end of this letter and not see Rita Crowell’s name. Carl W. Biggers loves the Second Amendment, and is not above tossing some pro-life fanservice into the first sentence.

Our government doesn’t want us shooting people but doesn’t seem to care how many babies are murdered in the womb.

I don’t think he realizes that it sounds like he’s genuinely disappointed that he can’t go around shooting people.

In the Jan. 25, 2013, Joplin Globe, it was reported that her ban would include rifles, handguns with one of any military style features — detachable stock, grenade launchers — as well as 157 specific firearms.

OH THAT LYING SKANK. She sounded all reasonable at first, but then she wants to take away our pistols. Our grenade-launching pistols. What a fascist.

I agree we don’t need slide fire stocks on rifles that can shoot 100 rounds in 7 seconds. We don’t need large capacity magazines. We don’t need threaded barrels for silencers, and we don’t need silencers. We do need to keep our Second Amendment rights to carry our handguns for home, family and self-protection. We should be able to keep our chance to help stop crimes in progress.

Slightly related– did you hear about the guy who stabbed the burglar in the eyeball with a knife? IF THEY HAD A GUN THIS WOULDN’T HAVE—oh wait….

I think the government wants all guns out of law-abiding citizens hands so when they become dictators, they won’t have to face an uprising.

You know what I’ve noticed? I hear a lot of people saying we need guns to shed the blood of tyrants. Like a whole lot of people saying so. We apparently have a goodly amount of Jack the Tyrant Killers in this country.

Apparently our tyrants are usually schoolchildren, peace protestors, black kids, women going to the gym, and people who attend midnight screenings of popular movies. Normal citizens and easy pickings. Meanwhile, actual government heads openly muse about taking away people’s rights, and they sleep like babies. Perhaps most gun fetishists don’t really give a shit about shedding the blood of tyrants. They want to be tyrants.

Take us out with some Jesus, Carl!

I am a born-again Christian and pray that God will convince the hearts of our government to pay attention to him before it is too late.

Jesus isn’t the guy that gives you grenade launching pistols. You’re thinking of Santa.

Hey Look! Plagiarism!

On Love in the Time of Chasmosaurs, this cover for Avengers #12 was posted. I thought it looked familiar…

The comments confirmed my suspicion: the Therizinosaurus design and the Protoceratops in the background are clones of Henriette and Bix from James Gurney’s Dinotopia books. Which are like my favorite books from my childhood.

This is some bullshit. How come there’s so many talented artists creating original designs, yet professionals working in the industry like Dustin Weaver feel they can get away with this?

EDIT: Apparently Dustin Weaver has a blog, and basically admits to it. He calls it “homage”. I can appreciate wanting to do that, but I don’t think he pulled it off here.

I Have the Right to Not Bear Arms

(Hey! Are you reading this post months after it was published? Well, good news– I crafted it so it can apply to any spree shooting. Just copy and paste this the next time a spree shooting comes along. And there will be a next time. )

With the latest spree shooting, here comes the latest spree victim-blaming from right-wing gun frootloops* and their unwitting enablers.
“Hurp derp, if only those teachers were armed, if only we could conceal and carry in theaters, if only I could whip out my sweet Gun Katta skills and whaled on them, then those people wouldn’t be dead huh huh hurp”.

Never mind whether or not this is true (Mother Jones says it isn’t, but how can you say a spree shooting wasn’t stopped if it was stopped before it became a spree shooting? BRAINPUZZLER). The implication is that we are responsible for our own deaths if we go out of our house without our trenchcoats and semi-autos which we all obviously have had the time and interest and resources to learn to master.

It’s the “if only she was wearing modest clothes, she wouldn’t have been raped” argument. It’s blaming the victim. It’s saying we should go out of our way to appease the unremarkable monsters in our species. Fuck that.

You see, guns don’t frighten me or offend me. They bore the living piss out of me, even moreso than motorcycles and scrapbooking (although less than Christian radio). I resent the notion that I have to augment my life with gun ownership to justify my very existence. And that’s just my indifference talking; imagine people who actually detest them for whatever reason?

I do not carry guns. I won’t carry guns. And I am free to do so. And fuck you for suggesting it’s my fault if someone murders me. I am not going to take time out of my fleeting life to conform to your dumb little club just because you can’t face the harsh reality that if you were in those situations, you won’t be the stoic action hero of your fantasies. You will be panicking and reacting just like those lowly unarmed folk.

It reminds me of the “Freedom of Religion, Not Freedom From Religion” non-argument. I know this will hurt a lot of people’s brains, but the first necessarily implies the other. You have the right to bear arms, likewise, I have the right to not bear arms.

Depicted: Not You

*I have seen gun nuts take pride in the fact that “nuts” is a slang term for testicles, which their anxious masculinity clings to like Peter Jackson clings to slow motion. I WILL DENY THEM EVEN THIS SMALL COMFORT. YOU ARE ALL FROOTLOOPS NOW.

Joplin Globe Madness- On Our Anniversary, We Just Watched Thor and Ate Sushi

Me and the fella are living in sin (sweet, sweet tasty sin), and have no intention of changing that any time soon. Still, it’s nice to know what not put in a wedding anniversary ad.

For example, you may not want to fill it with a ridiculously long sexist ramble about your ancestors and how much you don’t know about genetics. Like in this ad that ran in today’s (11/25/12) Joplin Globe.

This is an actual anniversary notice that appeared in today’s paper. C/O the Joplin Globe.

Thank you, Mr. and Mrs. Strobel, for being an example. And for finding each other, so no poor innocent schmuck got into a relationship with either one of you and your evo-psych bullshit.

Fun Fact: this isn’t the first time the Strobels have ran this anniversary ad- I saw it several years ago (and also this year, which is why the link below goes to the 18th). The only reason I didn’t blog about it then was because the ad was TOO GODDAMN BIG for my scanner. It’s over tabloid size- 11.75″ x 16.5″, by my lady brains- and it fills up over two thirds of a page! Thanks, Joplin Globe E-Edition, for doing the hard work for me!

EDIT: I just remembered my pal Jeremiah Tucker also blogged about this ad during one of its previous runs. Go look!

Joplin Globe Madness: I Don’t Remember Any Donkeys In Jurassic Park

I’m going to try doing a weekly Joplin Globe Madness from now one, in an  effort to generate content for this blog. Check out this week’s samplings:

I don’t remember any donkeys in Jurassic Park. But Steve Gobel does, apparently. I love this man’s letters; they make me look forward to senility. Behold, an excerpt from “the Phoenix”:

They had not heard the call from Rush, Mark and Sean directly. They were alerted by Republican politicians who hearkened to the unbending, unrelenting, Jurassic Park donkey message.

What a sight it was to behold as the phoenix rose from the ashes because of three Jurassic Park donkeys.

It reminds me of how much beauty there is in this world. “Jurassic Park donkeys”. It’s like the world was crafted just for you and I out of stardust and songs.

Meanwhile, Gail Hurlbut, non-trad student and obvious victim of childhood teasing (HURLBUT?!?  Poor thing.) is yet another “independent” voter. You know the type- the voter that definitely is *not* independent but dammit, who wants to label themselves, man? Anyway, she’s all pissed off, not at Akin for saying horrible things about rape, but at the Republicans who felt a twinge in either their vestigial moral sense or in their pocketbooks and pulled their support for him (if only temporarily).

The main mistake for Missouri is that Todd Akin did not lose the election for the Senate because of his statements about rape. He lost the election because Republicans turned their backs on him. No matter how stupid the statements made by Democrats, they stick together. The Republicans did not have enough sense to do that.

It wasn’t Akin’s fault for saying hatefully stupid things! It was the mean ol’ other Republicans. Party of personal responsibility, you guys.

Todd Akin did not lose by many votes, which proves that he could have won the election in Missouri with continued support from the Republican Party. He did not have that support. I respect Mr. Akin for staying in the election and getting the many votes he did get. Many voters in Missouri wanted him to win, and I am one of them. God bless Todd Akin and his family.

Mr. Akin, someone needs to apologize to you.

We respect you, rape apologist and benighted doofus. We’re sorry we couldn’t save you from your own stupid big mouth.

How’s that for an apology?

I Feel More Confident Already

I am no stranger to shopping at adult stores. (For friends, I mean. It’s a gag gift. For a friend). Despite what the previous dumb parenthetical joke implies, I’m oddly comfortable shopping in them, especially for someone who has trouble finding the courage to ask for a water refill at a restaurant.

One of the most comfortable of the oddly comfortable was Romantic Delights, which I’ve shopped at since my college days. It says so right on their website:

Welcome to Romantic Delights. Our mission is to help women feel sexy and confident, along with improving the quality of couples love lives.

The most important aspect of great sex for a woman is a positive body image.

The better you feel about yourself, the better you’ll feel about the sex and the better the sex will be.

It’s all about making a woman feel good…. Satisfied…Confident….Special!

So I wonder how they went from that, to this:

Boy, I feel confident and special already.