The Dangers of Skim Reading

A few weeks ago, my foofoocuddlypoop’s friend Peter Mauk interviewed me for his World Religions class to present an atheist’s point of view. He did an excellent job, and got a 100% grade.

Despite that, I want to lodge a complaint. His professor’s comments annoy the hell out of me. There’s the Socratic method, and then there’s the Gish Gallop. This looks like a Gish Gallop. Or really bad skim reading.

Example, look at page 10, where sexual selection is discussed. The professor says “wow, talk about a leap of faith!” in response to the phrase “for our species to progress there must be man and woman”. Not technically true, but still Pete backs up and clarifies the thought IN THE NEXT DAMN PARAGRAPH, with my layman explanation of sexual selection. That is just lazy, prof.

And then the professor offers creationist arguments and I just go *headdesk.*

With Peter’s permission, I’m reposting his paper here, with his professor’s notes. I thank him for allowing that and also interviewing my abrasive grammar-nazi ass in the first place.

I forgot to mention that the title of his paper was “Interview with an Atheist,” which pleases me greatly. It’s true that I do have Cruise’s hair from that movie.

I Believe St. Sebastian Gave Up an Arrow-Free Body

Or until your homework is done.

I have often said that pro-rape folk are not pro-life, because their behavior is contrary to how one would expect people to act in opposition to a holocaust. Also most people know the obvious difference between an embryo and a baby, even subconsciously, but anyway.

I had clearly not seen the Until Abortion Ends campaign. I have severely underestimated the sacrifice these martyrs will make to end this genocide.

“We love taco bell, but its loss will remind us of the severity of abortion. We believe that some day we will take our children to taco bell in celebration of the illegalization of child-killing in America[…] Goodbye, for now, Taco Bell. But we will meet again.”

“I decided to no eat Chips till abortion ends! Fighting!”

“Happily depriving myself of COFFEE until babies are no longer deprived of LIFE!”

“I’ve always, always loved Butterfinger candy bars. In fact, to this day, my parents still send me Butterfinger candy bars for my birthday. But until abortion doctors get their grubby hands off of our unborn children, I won’t lay another finger on a Butterfinger.”

This is an actual screencap. These are actual people.

Giving up your personal first world vices, for a week at best, to protest the reproductive rights of others. Truly this is the Greatest-er Generation. Just look at all the people you’ve inspired with your martyrdom. Somebody call Hollywood.

"This can of Pringles. Why did I keep these Pringles? Ten more people. Ten more people."

These people (a lot of whom are kids, so they have some excuse) actually think that anyone gives a damn about their New Year’s resolution-style protest. Which is not protest. A “protest” involves getting people to give a damn. Getting sprayed with firehoses is a protest. A hunger strike is a protest. Hell, a sternly-worded letter is a protest. Giving up red meat? That’s Lent.

Those people who shoot doctors, bomb clinics and terrorize people are complete scum, but give them this: at least they DO something.

This video says it all a lot better than I can.

A Dissection of the Southwest Missouri Butterfly Angel

Field sketch by an eyewitness. Note the prettiness.

Courtesy of Joplin Expats, I am delighted to reveal a scientific breakthough in Magical Flying People Research. I present, without further ado, the discovery of Lepidopterapithicus joplinia — the Southwest Missouri Butterfly Angel.

After the tornado passed over them, the mother asked her daughter if she was OK.

The little girl said she was and said to her mother,

“Wasn’t it pretty?”

Her mother asked her what she meant.

She replied that she saw a lot of butterfly people.

“Did you see the butterfly people in the sky?  They were carrying people in the sky.”

They were going into the sky with people and there were a lot around the two of them.

Besides the butterfly story about the mother and child taking safety in a ditch, I have heard of two more.

This is not the only report, and if anything has any truck in science, it’s numerous heartwarming anecdotes.

I am forced to retract my  previous hypothesis, when I stated that only bird-winged magical flying white people made sense.

This is now inaccurate. The new updated chart will cost you $250.

Descriptions vary, from just being “big butterflies” to butterfly people proper. We can assume that they have shapeshifting powers. No size range is given, although if they’re carting folk into the sky, they must be of considerable size and strength, far surpassing any known flying creature (with the exception of the roc and Superman, of coursen). The jury is out on what relation Butterfly Angels have, if any, to the fairy folk (Homa fata).

Their behavior doesn’t seem too dissimilar from the traditional Hallmarkian angel: they are prone to selecting certain arbitrary people from the wrath of their vengeful employer. More research is required to explain why some people are selected for salvation while others are given the shaft. Perhaps their antenna can detect gullibility, like how some bloodsucking insects can detect cholesterol levels. They seem to breed in turbulent atmospheric conditions. If they are anything like normal angels, their growth is fueled by ringing bells, shafts of sunlight, the laughter of happy families, and small field rodents.

This is a revolutionary new step in Thaumaturgical Ornithothropology. As soon as I get both an expedition team and my tornado engine put together, more revelations will be forthcoming.

Alas, butterfly angels have nobody to save THEM from neither natural disasters nor underpaid lab assistants.

Skepticon Ponies: The Final Hour

You know what I’m thankful for? I’m thankful that I got all these goddamn ponies done.

Darrel Raycehorse

David Fitzgeegee

I’m especially grateful to the ones who use iconic logos in their work. Instant cutie mark!

HePinto Mehta

Also, those rumored to be involved with babies somehow.

Elippizzaner Yudkowsy

I have no idea if this pun works or not. I think I went mad and just started lumping letters together.

Dan Bronco

Dan Barker is NOT jumping. In fact, he is in the middle of an epic pratfall that he hasn’t realized is happening yet.

Richard Carriage

Richard looks all hardcore. But I imagine anyone with Joss Whedon tattooed on their ass would.

Prancer Greenberg

I had never heard of this guy and didn’t get to attend his talk, so all I had was a small photo and a rumor that he liked tea. I hope to make up for my lack of knowledge by giving him badass steampunk wings.

Did I get everyone?

It's my pony, and I'm sick of puns. So Kaje it be.

If you recognize my cutie mark, I’m willing to bet that you did NOT play with My Little Pony when you were little. Unless you borrowed some for your dinosaurs to eat.

Thanks for Skepticon

The last batch of Skepticon ponies will come. I still have to do Dan Barker, Richard Carrier, David Fitzgerald, Spencer Greenberg, Hemant Mehta, Darrel Ray, and Eliezer Yudkowsky (thanks Wikipedia!) and it looks like I have my work cut out for me. I’m not familiar with some of these people, as I didn’t attend the last day. If you’re one of these people and have a horrible horse pun or cutie mark in mind, let me know! I will also have a post on how critical thought affects my social anxiety, and vice versa. And the Skepticon post proper.

But! Have to work! So here’s a video for Thanksgiving. It’s about skeptics giving thanks, shot by the Dallas Fellowship of Freethought. I pop in at the 8:30-ish mark. Enjoy!

More Skepticon Ponies

I didn’t expect the previous ponies to take off like they did. I mean, I plugged the hell out of them on Twitter, but still. Anyhoo, I made some more before I have to go to work.

Jen McCrydesdale

You have no idea how tempted I was to make the cutie mark a pair of quaking boobs. But then she was all like “NO BOOBS” and then I was all like “AWWWWWWW!”

Sam Singletony

Sam Singleton doesn’t get a cutie mark, because he makes people hate crime us.

Julia Gallop

How can Spock be a special talent? Julia Galef knows how!

Amanda Marecotte

The last two are cheating, because they spoke at Skepticon 3, not 4. But this pun was so obvious. A good half of the work in these things is coming up with horse pun names. Also, Amanda was in the audience so I’m counting it.

Debbie Godd-Herd

Another Skepticon 3 speaker. Did you know that in MLP:FiM, black people are zebras? I think that’s horseshit. Normal (read: white) ponies can be unicorns, pegasi, earth ponies…black people are stuck with zebras. After all, we must other the non-whites even in kid’s cartoons! Well, fuck you canon. Debbie is a earth pony.

My Little Skepticon Ponies

I’m still compiling all my thoughts on this year’s Skepticon. Quick preview: AWESOME.

But before I do that, I must share these. They were inspired by these My Atheist Pony shot glasses, designed by Katie Hartman and Kelley Freeman to promote the event. I love them, but we need more. MORE DAMMIT. So I made more with General Zoi’s Pony Creator. Here they are.

JT Eberhooves

Pony Z Myers

Rebecca Trotson

Greta Equestina

Joe Nieghkell

David Silvermane

Joplin Globe Madness: Rita Crowell’s Amazing Tennis Ball Trick

image c/o Rawhead in the comments

 

Man, ever since the tornado, there hasn’t been much silliness in the Voices section. It’s become a chore to read, honestly. We got somebody thanking folks for helping clean up after the tornado, we got someone fretting about the economy, we got Rita Crowell complaining about sacrilegious tennis balls, we got a old fellow complaining about wait a minute what was that?

Tennis balls make Jesus cry?

There was an article in The Joplin Globe this past month regarding a female artist who enjoyed tennis so much that she inserted tennis balls in a fanciful manner into her own paintings of classical art.

I would strongly urge her, and anyone else, not to insert anything to destroy or distort the integrity of any Christian religious painting.

To me, this is sacrilegious, irreverent and makes a mockery of God our creator, sustainer and redeemer.

You think that’s bad, you obviously haven’t seen what this lady does with ping pong balls.

Missouri’s Torture Camp for Young Girls

I had thought I had become completely jaded when it came to American Christianity’s ever-flowing haterade for women and children. Money-wasting, unconstitutional abortion restrictions? Saw them coming. Conscience clauses? Old hat.

But this one took me aback. Mainly because it takes place 35 miles from my house.

Welcome to New Beginnings Girls Academy.

New Beginnings describes itself as a character-building facility for “troubled teens,” and what Jeannie Marie heard in church that day was that this might be a place for her daughter to heal. While jogging earlier that year, the 17-year-old (whom I’ll call Roxy) had been pulled into a vehicle and assaulted by a group of men. Since then, she had begun acting up at home, as well as sneaking out and drinking. Two weeks after seeing the girls in church, Jeannie Marie and her husband left Roxy in McNamara’s care with the promise that she would receive counseling twice a week and stay at New Beginnings no longer than two months. “It sounded like a discipleship program,” Jeannie Marie recalls. “A safe place where a daughter can go to have time alone to find God and her direction.”

What would Jesus do with a troubled rape victim? How about cutting them off from family and breaking them! That ought to do it.

She was monitored day and night by two “buddies,” girls who’d been there awhile and knew the drill. They accompanied her to the shower and toilet, and introduced her to a life of communal isolation and rigid discipline. Girls were not allowed to converse except from 6 to 9 p.m. each Friday. They were not allowed contact with their families during their first month, or with anyone else for six months. By that time, Roxy said, most girls are “broken,” having been told that their families have abandoned them, and that the world outside is a sinful, dangerous place where girls who leave are murdered or raped.

It goes on. Force feeding, isolation chambers, oh how it goes on. And it’s all legal! Yay faith-based exemptions! After I posted this on Facebook, I’ve heard more tales of this place. And I’m frothing with white hot rage.

How long are we going to let people hurt children under the banner of faith?

EDIT: Survivors of NBGA have started a site here.

Might as Well Plug Some Stuff

Please buy this I am so poor

Hey! You interested in some science-oriented purchase-ables and pinko liberal wearables? Visit one of my POD stores!

You want to get some easy scientific street cred? Just wear this shirt! You must be a pretty badass adventurer to inspire such a film franchise.Who can doubt you? It’s printed on your freaking shirt!

All of my swear-wordy shirts can be found here. You know, Everybody Draw Mohammad Day is just around the corner! Also my infamous Skepticon shirt (you know…that one) can be found in several styles and colors!

Don’t delay!