Archive for the 'Woo' Category

05
May
13

Creation Science Counter-Quiz

You’ve probably seen this picture already: a real quiz from a private school in South Carolina.

A creationist kid's quiz.

I really want to know why 8, 9 and 10 were omitted.

Says the father of the girl who took the test in question:

I didn’t know that this was being taught to her until we heard a radio commercial together about the Discover the Dinosaurs exhibit was coming to the TD Convention Center [in Greenville, South Carolina].

The Commercial starts out, “After 65 million years, the dinosaurs have returned …” She commented immediately that it was only four thousand years ago. When I corrected her, she snapped back, “Were you there?” I have since taught my daughter differently, but I am sure she is confused now and plan to make sure she understands that teachers are people too and
can be factually wrong.

The test showed up [at] home a day later to my disgust.

It’s a great school for Reading, Writing and Math. She is ahead of most of her peers and also is taking Latin there. But I now know to be vigilant for the rest of the year about her science teachings.

She will not be attending the school next year …

You have to wonder just exactly what he expected. It’s a private religious school in South Carolina. They’re not going to compete in the state science fair, that’s for certain.

Still, it’s a shame that his kid, among many others, is being so woefully misinformed by Blue Ridge Christian Academy. Now that this has come to light, perhaps other parents wish to un-brainwash their kids. Perhaps with a Creationism Studies class? Allow me to help that along, with my beta 4th grade Creation Science Studies Quiz!

creation science quiz redux-1 creation science quiz redux-2

Many thanks as always to talk.origins.org, where I spent many a day in my high school years when I should have been going to proms and sports and shit.

You can download a blank PDF here. Happy standardized testing, everybody!

12
Apr
13

Joplin Globe Madness: WHAT DID I TELL YOU?!?

Well, actually, I told you nothing, because when Marta Mossburg wrote that stupid ass column last week, I wrote a rough draft for a post, and then abandoned it because I couldn’t condense my rage into a cohesive post. Basic gist: History Channel is emboldening stupid people. Again. This time with The Bible, their new stupid miniseries.

I seriously just published that a few minutes ago, for context to this post. Read it here. It’s a rough draft. Be gentle.

Anyway, look here! My prophecy came true! Turns out humoring stupid beliefs just emboldens the belief holders! Like Bryan Sperry here. The Bible is the springboard for some good ol’ JGM godgunnery.

I was watching the TV version of “The Bible.” I noticed all of the beatings and killings did not involve a single gun.

Also scientists that lived before 1860 did not believe in evolution, and Alexander the Great conquered the western world without launching a single plane. Continuity is weird like that.

Taking away our guns is not the solution. It is the first thing that a would-be dictator would do. If people would accept Christ as their savior, it would be a much better world.

Remember kids…all powerful, megalomaniacal sociopathic control freaks are bad. Unless he lives in the clouds. Then he’s cool.

Of course, there are those groups that will not allow their members to even read about Christ. This is the height of ignorance. They are apparently afraid of the truth. I was in church today with about 2,000 people. What a pleasant experience to be with that many people who know how to love.

Five bucks says most of those people sitting next to him haven’t actually read the damn thing. Research backs me up.

I helped fight the Germans in the Battle of the Bulge, and the Lord was with me every step of the way. The Belgians are very appreciative now. I recently wrote a book to help young people to know how to live their life to the fullest as a born-again Christian.

He must not have published it yet, because I can’t turn anything up on Google . I did find this artist from Chicago with the same name. Pittsburg Bryan Sperry should have Chicago Bryan Sperry do the cover art. That might trick the kids into reading it.

I wonder, if the History Channel stuck with their usual fare, what would have inspired Bryan to write this?

I’ve noticed that people have killed each other for centuries without guns…but how could they, with such primitive technology?

ALIENS

25
Nov
12

Joplin Globe Madness- On Our Anniversary, We Just Watched Thor and Ate Sushi

Me and the fella are living in sin (sweet, sweet tasty sin), and have no intention of changing that any time soon. Still, it’s nice to know what not put in a wedding anniversary ad.

For example, you may not want to fill it with a ridiculously long sexist ramble about your ancestors and how much you don’t know about genetics. Like in this ad that ran in today’s (11/25/12) Joplin Globe.

This is an actual anniversary notice that appeared in today’s paper. C/O the Joplin Globe.

Thank you, Mr. and Mrs. Strobel, for being an example. And for finding each other, so no poor innocent schmuck got into a relationship with either one of you and your evo-psych bullshit.

Fun Fact: this isn’t the first time the Strobels have ran this anniversary ad- I saw it several years ago (and also this year, which is why the link below goes to the 18th). The only reason I didn’t blog about it then was because the ad was TOO GODDAMN BIG for my scanner. It’s over tabloid size- 11.75″ x 16.5″, by my lady brains- and it fills up over two thirds of a page! Thanks, Joplin Globe E-Edition, for doing the hard work for me!

EDIT: I just remembered my pal Jeremiah Tucker also blogged about this ad during one of its previous runs. Go look!

20
Aug
12

I Should Probably Get Back to Blogging Shouldn’t I

Man, how many months has it been? There’s so much I’ve missed– dead celebrities, offensive legislation, fried chicken debates. You lose track of things once you start getting laid regularly.

Also! The atheist/skeptic/whatever movement blew up. Everybody got so sick of bullying dudebro skeptics, who were so clever when they found out the truth about God but didn’t think to apply that skepticism to gender roles or social issues, that we had a wee schism. C/O Jen McCreight of Blag Hag, we have leveled up to become Atheists Plus!

“Keep unintentionally or intentionally excluding women, minorities, and progressives while cluelessly wondering why you’re losing members, money, and clout. The rest of us will be moving on.

If you’re ready for this new wave of atheism, now is the time to speak up. Say that you’re ready. Vocally support organizations and individuals that are already doing it right. Vocally criticize the inappropriate and hateful behavior so the victims of such actions know you’re on their side. Demand that your organizations and clubs evolve, or start your own if they refuse.

The Boy’s Club may have historically ruled the movement, but they don’t own it. We can.”

I’m up for it. I am now an atheist plus. Or a plus atheist. Wev.

And to celebrate, I made a new t-shirt.

Sexist Skeptics Eff Off Shirt
Sexist Skeptics Eff Off Shirt by JohnnyKaje
Browse Zazzle for another teezazzle.com

Hopefully I can get my shit together and get a booth set up at Skepticon. But if I don’t, you can still get your shirts now! Wear it the next time you’re inexplicably booked for TAM! and can’t find someone else to go in your stead.

11
Jun
12

Let Me Google That For You

Me and the Stone clan have been piling up on this comment thread for a very dumb letter. I thought I’d screencap this exchange for your amusement. This is how you respond to someone who claims that the separation of church and state isn’t in the constitution.

He never responded. :(

26
Apr
12

The Dangers of Skim Reading

A few weeks ago, my foofoocuddlypoop’s friend Peter Mauk interviewed me for his World Religions class to present an atheist’s point of view. He did an excellent job, and got a 100% grade.

Despite that, I want to lodge a complaint. His professor’s comments annoy the hell out of me. There’s the Socratic method, and then there’s the Gish Gallop. This looks like a Gish Gallop. Or really bad skim reading.

Example, look at page 10, where sexual selection is discussed. The professor says “wow, talk about a leap of faith!” in response to the phrase “for our species to progress there must be man and woman”. Not technically true, but still Pete backs up and clarifies the thought IN THE NEXT DAMN PARAGRAPH, with my layman explanation of sexual selection. That is just lazy, prof.

And then the professor offers creationist arguments and I just go *headdesk.*

With Peter’s permission, I’m reposting his paper here, with his professor’s notes. I thank him for allowing that and also interviewing my abrasive grammar-nazi ass in the first place.

I forgot to mention that the title of his paper was “Interview with an Atheist,” which pleases me greatly. It’s true that I do have Cruise’s hair from that movie.

14
Dec
11

I Believe St. Sebastian Gave Up an Arrow-Free Body

20111213-225700.jpg

Or until your homework is done.

I have often said that pro-rape folk are not pro-life, because their behavior is contrary to how one would expect people to act in opposition to a holocaust. Also most people know the obvious difference between an embryo and a baby, even subconsciously, but anyway.

I had clearly not seen the Until Abortion Ends campaign. I have severely underestimated the sacrifice these martyrs will make to end this genocide.

“We love taco bell, but its loss will remind us of the severity of abortion. We believe that some day we will take our children to taco bell in celebration of the illegalization of child-killing in America[…] Goodbye, for now, Taco Bell. But we will meet again.”

“I decided to no eat Chips till abortion ends! Fighting!”

“Happily depriving myself of COFFEE until babies are no longer deprived of LIFE!”

“I’ve always, always loved Butterfinger candy bars. In fact, to this day, my parents still send me Butterfinger candy bars for my birthday. But until abortion doctors get their grubby hands off of our unborn children, I won’t lay another finger on a Butterfinger.”

20111213-221843.jpg

This is an actual screencap. These are actual people.

Giving up your personal first world vices, for a week at best, to protest the reproductive rights of others. Truly this is the Greatest-er Generation. Just look at all the people you’ve inspired with your martyrdom. Somebody call Hollywood.

20111213-222536.jpg

"This can of Pringles. Why did I keep these Pringles? Ten more people. Ten more people."

These people (a lot of whom are kids, so they have some excuse) actually think that anyone gives a damn about their New Year’s resolution-style protest. Which is not protest. A “protest” involves getting people to give a damn. Getting sprayed with firehoses is a protest. A hunger strike is a protest. Hell, a sternly-worded letter is a protest. Giving up red meat? That’s Lent.

Those people who shoot doctors, bomb clinics and terrorize people are complete scum, but give them this: at least they DO something.

This video says it all a lot better than I can.

04
Dec
11

A Dissection of the Southwest Missouri Butterfly Angel

Field sketch of the Butterfly Angel

Field sketch by an eyewitness. Note the prettiness.

Courtesy of Joplin Expats, I am delighted to reveal a scientific breakthough in Magical Flying People Research. I present, without further ado, the discovery of Lepidopterapithicus joplinia — the Southwest Missouri Butterfly Angel.

After the tornado passed over them, the mother asked her daughter if she was OK.

The little girl said she was and said to her mother,

“Wasn’t it pretty?”

Her mother asked her what she meant.

She replied that she saw a lot of butterfly people.

“Did you see the butterfly people in the sky?  They were carrying people in the sky.”

They were going into the sky with people and there were a lot around the two of them.

Besides the butterfly story about the mother and child taking safety in a ditch, I have heard of two more.

This is not the only report, and if anything has any truck in science, it’s numerous heartwarming anecdotes.

I am forced to retract my  previous hypothesis, when I stated that only bird-winged magical flying white people made sense.

This is now inaccurate. The new updated chart will cost you $250.

Descriptions vary, from just being “big butterflies” to butterfly people proper. We can assume that they have shapeshifting powers. No size range is given, although if they’re carting folk into the sky, they must be of considerable size and strength, far surpassing any known flying creature (with the exception of the roc and Superman, of coursen). The jury is out on what relation Butterfly Angels have, if any, to the fairy folk (Homa fata).

Their behavior doesn’t seem too dissimilar from the traditional Hallmarkian angel: they are prone to selecting certain arbitrary people from the wrath of their vengeful employer. More research is required to explain why some people are selected for salvation while others are given the shaft. Perhaps their antenna can detect gullibility, like how some bloodsucking insects can detect cholesterol levels. They seem to breed in turbulent atmospheric conditions. If they are anything like normal angels, their growth is fueled by ringing bells, shafts of sunlight, the laughter of happy families, and small field rodents.

This is a revolutionary new step in Thaumaturgical Ornithothropology. As soon as I get both an expedition team and my tornado engine put together, more revelations will be forthcoming.

Alas, butterfly angels have nobody to save THEM from neither natural disasters nor underpaid lab assistants.

24
Nov
11

Skepticon Ponies: The Final Hour

You know what I’m thankful for? I’m thankful that I got all these goddamn ponies done.

Darrel Ray in pony form

Darrel Raycehorse

David Fitzgerald in pony form

David Fitzgeegee

I’m especially grateful to the ones who use iconic logos in their work. Instant cutie mark!

Hement Mehta in pony form

HePinto Mehta

Also, those rumored to be involved with babies somehow.

Eliezer Yudkowsky in pony form

Elippizzaner Yudkowsy

I have no idea if this pun works or not. I think I went mad and just started lumping letters together.

Dan Barker in pony form

Dan Bronco

Dan Barker is NOT jumping. In fact, he is in the middle of an epic pratfall that he hasn’t realized is happening yet.

Richard Carrier in pony form

Richard Carriage

Richard looks all hardcore. But I imagine anyone with Joss Whedon tattooed on their ass would.

Spencer Greenberg in pony form

Prancer Greenberg

I had never heard of this guy and didn’t get to attend his talk, so all I had was a small photo and a rumor that he liked tea. I hope to make up for my lack of knowledge by giving him badass steampunk wings.

Did I get everyone?

Kaje (me) in pony form

It's my pony, and I'm sick of puns. So Kaje it be.

If you recognize my cutie mark, I’m willing to bet that you did NOT play with My Little Pony when you were little. Unless you borrowed some for your dinosaurs to eat.

23
Nov
11

Thanks for Skepticon

The last batch of Skepticon ponies will come. I still have to do Dan Barker, Richard Carrier, David Fitzgerald, Spencer Greenberg, Hemant Mehta, Darrel Ray, and Eliezer Yudkowsky (thanks Wikipedia!) and it looks like I have my work cut out for me. I’m not familiar with some of these people, as I didn’t attend the last day. If you’re one of these people and have a horrible horse pun or cutie mark in mind, let me know! I will also have a post on how critical thought affects my social anxiety, and vice versa. And the Skepticon post proper.

But! Have to work! So here’s a video for Thanksgiving. It’s about skeptics giving thanks, shot by the Dallas Fellowship of Freethought. I pop in at the 8:30-ish mark. Enjoy!




Donate to the Kaje!

My Zazzle Store

My Spreadshirt Store

Help a broke blogger and buy some NSFW merch at my Spreadshirt store!

Calendar

April 2014
M T W T F S S
« Oct    
 123456
78910111213
14151617181920
21222324252627
282930  
Join the best atheist themed blogroll!

Tweetin’ twootin’:


Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 112 other followers

%d bloggers like this: