Posts Tagged ‘idiots

05
May
13

Creation Science Counter-Quiz

You’ve probably seen this picture already: a real quiz from a private school in South Carolina.

A creationist kid's quiz.

I really want to know why 8, 9 and 10 were omitted.

Says the father of the girl who took the test in question:

I didn’t know that this was being taught to her until we heard a radio commercial together about the Discover the Dinosaurs exhibit was coming to the TD Convention Center [in Greenville, South Carolina].

The Commercial starts out, “After 65 million years, the dinosaurs have returned …” She commented immediately that it was only four thousand years ago. When I corrected her, she snapped back, “Were you there?” I have since taught my daughter differently, but I am sure she is confused now and plan to make sure she understands that teachers are people too and
can be factually wrong.

The test showed up [at] home a day later to my disgust.

It’s a great school for Reading, Writing and Math. She is ahead of most of her peers and also is taking Latin there. But I now know to be vigilant for the rest of the year about her science teachings.

She will not be attending the school next year …

You have to wonder just exactly what he expected. It’s a private religious school in South Carolina. They’re not going to compete in the state science fair, that’s for certain.

Still, it’s a shame that his kid, among many others, is being so woefully misinformed by Blue Ridge Christian Academy. Now that this has come to light, perhaps other parents wish to un-brainwash their kids. Perhaps with a Creationism Studies class? Allow me to help that along, with my beta 4th grade Creation Science Studies Quiz!

creation science quiz redux-1 creation science quiz redux-2

Many thanks as always to talk.origins.org, where I spent many a day in my high school years when I should have been going to proms and sports and shit.

You can download a blank PDF here. Happy standardized testing, everybody!

16
Dec
12

I Have the Right to Not Bear Arms

(Hey! Are you reading this post months after it was published? Well, good news– I crafted it so it can apply to any spree shooting. Just copy and paste this the next time a spree shooting comes along. And there will be a next time. )

With the latest spree shooting, here comes the latest spree victim-blaming from right-wing gun frootloops* and their unwitting enablers.
“Hurp derp, if only those teachers were armed, if only we could conceal and carry in theaters, if only I could whip out my sweet Gun Katta skills and whaled on them, then those people wouldn’t be dead huh huh hurp”.

Never mind whether or not this is true (Mother Jones says it isn’t, but how can you say a spree shooting wasn’t stopped if it was stopped before it became a spree shooting? BRAINPUZZLER). The implication is that we are responsible for our own deaths if we go out of our house without our trenchcoats and semi-autos which we all obviously have had the time and interest and resources to learn to master.

It’s the “if only she was wearing modest clothes, she wouldn’t have been raped” argument. It’s blaming the victim. It’s saying we should go out of our way to appease the unremarkable monsters in our species. Fuck that.

You see, guns don’t frighten me or offend me. They bore the living piss out of me, even moreso than motorcycles and scrapbooking (although less than Christian radio). I resent the notion that I have to augment my life with gun ownership to justify my very existence. And that’s just my indifference talking; imagine people who actually detest them for whatever reason?

I do not carry guns. I won’t carry guns. And I am free to do so. And fuck you for suggesting it’s my fault if someone murders me. I am not going to take time out of my fleeting life to conform to your dumb little club just because you can’t face the harsh reality that if you were in those situations, you won’t be the stoic action hero of your fantasies. You will be panicking and reacting just like those lowly unarmed folk.

It reminds me of the “Freedom of Religion, Not Freedom From Religion” non-argument. I know this will hurt a lot of people’s brains, but the first necessarily implies the other. You have the right to bear arms, likewise, I have the right to not bear arms.

Depicted: Not You

*I have seen gun nuts take pride in the fact that “nuts” is a slang term for testicles, which their anxious masculinity clings to like Peter Jackson clings to slow motion. I WILL DENY THEM EVEN THIS SMALL COMFORT. YOU ARE ALL FROOTLOOPS NOW.
25
Nov
12

Joplin Globe Madness- On Our Anniversary, We Just Watched Thor and Ate Sushi

Me and the fella are living in sin (sweet, sweet tasty sin), and have no intention of changing that any time soon. Still, it’s nice to know what not put in a wedding anniversary ad.

For example, you may not want to fill it with a ridiculously long sexist ramble about your ancestors and how much you don’t know about genetics. Like in this ad that ran in today’s (11/25/12) Joplin Globe.

This is an actual anniversary notice that appeared in today’s paper. C/O the Joplin Globe.

Thank you, Mr. and Mrs. Strobel, for being an example. And for finding each other, so no poor innocent schmuck got into a relationship with either one of you and your evo-psych bullshit.

Fun Fact: this isn’t the first time the Strobels have ran this anniversary ad- I saw it several years ago (and also this year, which is why the link below goes to the 18th). The only reason I didn’t blog about it then was because the ad was TOO GODDAMN BIG for my scanner. It’s over tabloid size- 11.75″ x 16.5″, by my lady brains- and it fills up over two thirds of a page! Thanks, Joplin Globe E-Edition, for doing the hard work for me!

EDIT: I just remembered my pal Jeremiah Tucker also blogged about this ad during one of its previous runs. Go look!

11
Jun
12

Let Me Google That For You

Me and the Stone clan have been piling up on this comment thread for a very dumb letter. I thought I’d screencap this exchange for your amusement. This is how you respond to someone who claims that the separation of church and state isn’t in the constitution.

He never responded. :(

22
May
12

Surprise! The Internet Has Less Jerks Than I Expected.

Since I’ve turned into a Twitter recluse*, while the JHS graduation speech played in another window, I figured I’d to watch the Twitter reaction to it and watch for trolls.
I was amazed that pretty much everyone, even the Republicans, stuck to being positive about it. You know this is the internet, right? The Id’s Electronic Litterbox? Why aren’t you writhing in righteous white man fury like they are on the Joplin Globe’s Facebook page?

I guess not many people felt like taking the winds out of the sails of graduating students who were also tornado victims. There were only two that I thought were screencap worthy. I’ll share them with you.

First up is @JustHorrified.

Christ, what an asshole.

And this one…well, this one.

This one raises a very good point! Where WAS Obama when the Joplin hurricane stroke?!?

 

*Oh my god, this is just SAD. It’s sad to TYPE. What’s happened to me?

11
May
12

Wait, I Can’t Shoot People OR Give Them Wedgies? What a Rip-Off!

As you already know, there’s an anti-bullying movement sweeping the nation and growing every day. As more people stand up against a pervasive evil, more conservatives slowly realize that “hey…some of these people against bullying are LIBERALS” and scrabble to bullying’s defense. (Until they chicken out, that is.)

You can’t blame them, really. Without bullying, there would be no Republicans. Without bullying, there’s nothing to force people to worship your god or do everything you say just because you have more muscle mass. Show me a successful anti-bullying school program and 12 years later I’ll show you campuses completely void of Young Republican chapters.

Via Amanda Marcotte’s feed, I found Joshua Trevino’s tweet that backs that up.

Image

“Re-litigate” their childhoods? So they did it before?

Anyway, from that guy came these guys.

Image

I like how something being a fact of life = OK and permissible. I wonder what his opinions are on abortion, taxes, evolution, and non-procreative sex? And on the flip side, what are his opinions on his ability to survive without civilization’s many safety nets and perks, and Jesus?

There’s also the pesky fact of life, medicine. Specifically, your medicine, which you might unexpectedly have to taste.Image

And this is the best part right here, where I must admit Defend Wall Street expertly points out the flaws in my argument.Image

Man, adulthood for bullies must suck. Not only can you not give people swirlies anymore, but the movies lied to you and you can’t shoot or judo kick people without going to jail.

I made sure to let him know that. Who’d have thought? It actually does Get Better.

19
Jan
12

Joplin Globe Madness: “Venting” is the PC Word for “Whining”

Rita wrote in today, but nobody cares. Not when there’s fresh meat around. Especially fresh meat that spews every non-grievance grievance into an incoherent jumble of white whining*?

Rarity from MLP. Image c/o Iambrony.com

Pardon me, "venting."

Ladies and gentlemen, Julia Miller does not whine. She vents.

She starts off whining about smoker’s rights. Now, I’m all for legal drugs and employee rights, and I go back and forth on smoking bans (on one hand: worker safety; on the other hand, smoking sections usually don’t have screaming kids), and I’ve got an eye for implied freedoms in the spirit of the Constitution.

That being said, there is no such thing as even implied smoker’s rights in the Constitution. Unless you interpret a cigarette as an arm you can bear.  You can kill people with it, but it’s kind of a slow way isn’t it?  I can appreciate you wanting to kill someone slowly and painfully, we all have days like that, but there’s a limit for Pete’s sake! That’s what God gave us Draino and opaque drinks for. I really wish the smoker’s lobby would change their terminology.

Anyway, she wants to be tolerated by employers. Just follow her example!

If that’s acceptable, then let’s take a look at banning obese health care employees. At one time or another, we’ve all been subjected to an enormous person, huffing and puffing, and perspiring, and their flab is laying on some part of our body while tending to their duties. As a smoker with emphysema, I breathe easier, and get around better than most obese people.

…Wow. I’m “subjected” to obese people every day. Depending on your definition of obese (which varies wildly), I’m sadly subjected to my fat ass every moment. Personally I’d rather be subjected to 100 obese people than one superficial self-absorbed wanker like Julia Miller. Unfortunately, I’m also subjected to Julia Millers every day too. Maybe we can get random catty jerk screenings at work?

Reflecting on fat people reminds her that there are other people who aren’t like her, and she totally unravels.

Like Mexicans and presidents!

We have a president who’s selling us out to East Indian nations, while living high on the hog. And, next in line, this once great nation is “hell bent for leather” in becoming the “Northern United States of Mexico.”

And of course she’s a fucking stuck-up godbag as well. As Jesus said, “Ye are the light of the world. Also NO FAT CHICKS.”

Thank God, (oh, no, I dared to mention him) I won’t live to see some of the devastation.

Oh hey! Did you hear about Jessica Ahlquist, Julia Miller? Did you hear how her side totally creamed yours in court? And how your side is totally shitting the bed, threatening her, griping like spoiled children…basically pulling a Julia Miller? And how nothing they can do can change the fact that they lost horribly?

I just thought you might like to hear that. I know I do.

Anyway! Don’t forget to tell us how persecuted white people are!

I’m so Caucasian I glow in the dark, but that’s an atrocity these days. You can celebrate, and days are set aside to celebrate, being anything other than a white, heterosexual person.

First off, if you’re glowing in the dark, that’s not Caucasian. That’s a bioluminescent deep-sea fish. You’re not even a fucking tetrapod. Stop meddling in human sociopolitics, fish.

Second off, as previously stated everywhere else, they do have white hetero pride days. They’re called EVERY DAY. Privilege! LEARN IT.

After taking a dig at people who use a word to describe their ethnicity and their nationality, but before the hilarious parting shot about immigration (please, somebody dig up this woman’s family tree and see if her ancestors came here “the right way”. As in not just showing up and claiming any Indian land you set foot on.), she concludes thus:

Wouldn’t it be a wonderful thing if everyone relearned the meaning of “tolerance,” and truly came here for the right reasons?

The true meaning of tolerance, it turns out, is “don’t be noticeably different than me and if you are, don’t challenge my privilege and assumptions. And don’t leave your house if you’re fat.”

Maybe we should make February “Chain Smoking Snotty White Wanker History Month.” I nominate Julia for the planning committee.

*Speaking of which, if you haven’t already you should go to whitewhine.com. It’s like this letter,  only less consolidated.




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