Posts Tagged ‘Joplin tornado

22
May
12

Surprise! The Internet Has Less Jerks Than I Expected.

Since I’ve turned into a Twitter recluse*, while the JHS graduation speech played in another window, I figured I’d to watch the Twitter reaction to it and watch for trolls.
I was amazed that pretty much everyone, even the Republicans, stuck to being positive about it. You know this is the internet, right? The Id’s Electronic Litterbox? Why aren’t you writhing in righteous white man fury like they are on the Joplin Globe’s Facebook page?

I guess not many people felt like taking the winds out of the sails of graduating students who were also tornado victims. There were only two that I thought were screencap worthy. I’ll share them with you.

First up is @JustHorrified.

Christ, what an asshole.

And this one…well, this one.

This one raises a very good point! Where WAS Obama when the Joplin hurricane stroke?!?

 

*Oh my god, this is just SAD. It’s sad to TYPE. What’s happened to me?

04
Dec
11

A Dissection of the Southwest Missouri Butterfly Angel

Field sketch of the Butterfly Angel

Field sketch by an eyewitness. Note the prettiness.

Courtesy of Joplin Expats, I am delighted to reveal a scientific breakthough in Magical Flying People Research. I present, without further ado, the discovery of Lepidopterapithicus joplinia — the Southwest Missouri Butterfly Angel.

After the tornado passed over them, the mother asked her daughter if she was OK.

The little girl said she was and said to her mother,

“Wasn’t it pretty?”

Her mother asked her what she meant.

She replied that she saw a lot of butterfly people.

“Did you see the butterfly people in the sky?  They were carrying people in the sky.”

They were going into the sky with people and there were a lot around the two of them.

Besides the butterfly story about the mother and child taking safety in a ditch, I have heard of two more.

This is not the only report, and if anything has any truck in science, it’s numerous heartwarming anecdotes.

I am forced to retract my  previous hypothesis, when I stated that only bird-winged magical flying white people made sense.

This is now inaccurate. The new updated chart will cost you $250.

Descriptions vary, from just being “big butterflies” to butterfly people proper. We can assume that they have shapeshifting powers. No size range is given, although if they’re carting folk into the sky, they must be of considerable size and strength, far surpassing any known flying creature (with the exception of the roc and Superman, of coursen). The jury is out on what relation Butterfly Angels have, if any, to the fairy folk (Homa fata).

Their behavior doesn’t seem too dissimilar from the traditional Hallmarkian angel: they are prone to selecting certain arbitrary people from the wrath of their vengeful employer. More research is required to explain why some people are selected for salvation while others are given the shaft. Perhaps their antenna can detect gullibility, like how some bloodsucking insects can detect cholesterol levels. They seem to breed in turbulent atmospheric conditions. If they are anything like normal angels, their growth is fueled by ringing bells, shafts of sunlight, the laughter of happy families, and small field rodents.

This is a revolutionary new step in Thaumaturgical Ornithothropology. As soon as I get both an expedition team and my tornado engine put together, more revelations will be forthcoming.

Alas, butterfly angels have nobody to save THEM from neither natural disasters nor underpaid lab assistants.

22
Jun
11

Donate Books to Tornado Victims

The Joplin Freethinkers are accepting donations for books for those who have lost their belongings in the tornado.

Please donate any of your new or good condition books to:

Aaron Mayfield c/o Stouffer Communications
1027 S Main Street
Suite 305
Joplin, MO 64801




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