Posts Tagged ‘Politics

16
Mar
13

But We Do Need Grenade Launching Pistols. Because Freedom.

I was surprised to reach the end of this letter and not see Rita Crowell’s name. Carl W. Biggers loves the Second Amendment, and is not above tossing some pro-life fanservice into the first sentence.

Our government doesn’t want us shooting people but doesn’t seem to care how many babies are murdered in the womb.

I don’t think he realizes that it sounds like he’s genuinely disappointed that he can’t go around shooting people.

In the Jan. 25, 2013, Joplin Globe, it was reported that her ban would include rifles, handguns with one of any military style features — detachable stock, grenade launchers — as well as 157 specific firearms.

OH THAT LYING SKANK. She sounded all reasonable at first, but then she wants to take away our pistols. Our grenade-launching pistols. What a fascist.

I agree we don’t need slide fire stocks on rifles that can shoot 100 rounds in 7 seconds. We don’t need large capacity magazines. We don’t need threaded barrels for silencers, and we don’t need silencers. We do need to keep our Second Amendment rights to carry our handguns for home, family and self-protection. We should be able to keep our chance to help stop crimes in progress.

Slightly related– did you hear about the guy who stabbed the burglar in the eyeball with a knife? IF THEY HAD A GUN THIS WOULDN’T HAVE—oh wait….

I think the government wants all guns out of law-abiding citizens hands so when they become dictators, they won’t have to face an uprising.

You know what I’ve noticed? I hear a lot of people saying we need guns to shed the blood of tyrants. Like a whole lot of people saying so. We apparently have a goodly amount of Jack the Tyrant Killers in this country.

Apparently our tyrants are usually schoolchildren, peace protestors, black kids, women going to the gym, and people who attend midnight screenings of popular movies. Normal citizens and easy pickings. Meanwhile, actual government heads openly muse about taking away people’s rights, and they sleep like babies. Perhaps most gun fetishists don’t really give a shit about shedding the blood of tyrants. They want to be tyrants.

Take us out with some Jesus, Carl!

I am a born-again Christian and pray that God will convince the hearts of our government to pay attention to him before it is too late.

Jesus isn’t the guy that gives you grenade launching pistols. You’re thinking of Santa.

25
Nov
12

Joplin Globe Madness- On Our Anniversary, We Just Watched Thor and Ate Sushi

Me and the fella are living in sin (sweet, sweet tasty sin), and have no intention of changing that any time soon. Still, it’s nice to know what not put in a wedding anniversary ad.

For example, you may not want to fill it with a ridiculously long sexist ramble about your ancestors and how much you don’t know about genetics. Like in this ad that ran in today’s (11/25/12) Joplin Globe.

This is an actual anniversary notice that appeared in today’s paper. C/O the Joplin Globe.

Thank you, Mr. and Mrs. Strobel, for being an example. And for finding each other, so no poor innocent schmuck got into a relationship with either one of you and your evo-psych bullshit.

Fun Fact: this isn’t the first time the Strobels have ran this anniversary ad- I saw it several years ago (and also this year, which is why the link below goes to the 18th). The only reason I didn’t blog about it then was because the ad was TOO GODDAMN BIG for my scanner. It’s over tabloid size- 11.75″ x 16.5″, by my lady brains- and it fills up over two thirds of a page! Thanks, Joplin Globe E-Edition, for doing the hard work for me!

EDIT: I just remembered my pal Jeremiah Tucker also blogged about this ad during one of its previous runs. Go look!

11
Jun
12

Let Me Google That For You

Me and the Stone clan have been piling up on this comment thread for a very dumb letter. I thought I’d screencap this exchange for your amusement. This is how you respond to someone who claims that the separation of church and state isn’t in the constitution.

He never responded. :(

11
May
12

Wait, I Can’t Shoot People OR Give Them Wedgies? What a Rip-Off!

As you already know, there’s an anti-bullying movement sweeping the nation and growing every day. As more people stand up against a pervasive evil, more conservatives slowly realize that “hey…some of these people against bullying are LIBERALS” and scrabble to bullying’s defense. (Until they chicken out, that is.)

You can’t blame them, really. Without bullying, there would be no Republicans. Without bullying, there’s nothing to force people to worship your god or do everything you say just because you have more muscle mass. Show me a successful anti-bullying school program and 12 years later I’ll show you campuses completely void of Young Republican chapters.

Via Amanda Marcotte’s feed, I found Joshua Trevino’s tweet that backs that up.

Image

“Re-litigate” their childhoods? So they did it before?

Anyway, from that guy came these guys.

Image

I like how something being a fact of life = OK and permissible. I wonder what his opinions are on abortion, taxes, evolution, and non-procreative sex? And on the flip side, what are his opinions on his ability to survive without civilization’s many safety nets and perks, and Jesus?

There’s also the pesky fact of life, medicine. Specifically, your medicine, which you might unexpectedly have to taste.Image

And this is the best part right here, where I must admit Defend Wall Street expertly points out the flaws in my argument.Image

Man, adulthood for bullies must suck. Not only can you not give people swirlies anymore, but the movies lied to you and you can’t shoot or judo kick people without going to jail.

I made sure to let him know that. Who’d have thought? It actually does Get Better.

26
Jan
12

Take a Note from Christians, Atheists

This is art.

This is the same guy who did this awesome painting I used for joke purposes here.

Like a true artist, he realizes that you can’t expect people to interpret the damn thing correctly and explains every single facet of it with the help of CSS magic.

Also, the man who represents everyone in America is a white dude of course. If we’re going by statistics he should be about 63.7% non-Hispanic white. Also he should be mostly chick.

04
May
11

Might as Well Plug Some Stuff

Please buy this I am so poor

Hey! You interested in some science-oriented purchase-ables and pinko liberal wearables? Visit one of my POD stores!

You want to get some easy scientific street cred? Just wear this shirt! You must be a pretty badass adventurer to inspire such a film franchise.Who can doubt you? It’s printed on your freaking shirt!

All of my swear-wordy shirts can be found here. You know, Everybody Draw Mohammad Day is just around the corner! Also my infamous Skepticon shirt (you know…that one) can be found in several styles and colors!

Don’t delay!

09
Mar
11

Who Haven’t the Republicans Whipped Out Their Haterade On?

(image c/o Mother Jones)

Let’s see. They covered vulnerable voters with ACORN. They are losing the Wisconsin battle, but are winning the war on unions. They’re currently whacking away at uppity bitches. Who else is left?

Oh hey…don’t forget college students!

“Voting as a liberal. That’s what kids do,” [NH Speaker William O'Brien] added, his comments taped by a state Democratic Party staffer and posted on YouTube. Students lack “life experience,” and “they just vote their feelings.”

New Hampshire House Republicans are pushing for new laws that would prohibit many college students from voting in the state – and effectively keep some from voting at all.

One bill would permit students to vote in their college towns only if they or their parents had previously established permanent residency there – requiring all others to vote in the states or other New Hampshire towns they come from. Another bill would end Election Day registration, which O’Brien said unleashes swarms of students on polling places, creating opportunities for fraud.

I think that just about covers it!

Hey, you remember when the Reps succeeded in destroying ACORN with its fake-ass “pimp sting” (much like that stupid Lila Rose failcow and her failcow stunt)? Because that demonstrated voter fraud on ACORN’s part, somehow. Meanwhile, Republicans are actively passing laws to  disenfranchise voters. LOL.

12
Jan
11

Thumbs Up

This story has sucked the joy out of me.

Steve Benson cartoon-- Giffords gives a thumbs up

c/o Steve Benson.

But now I’ve gotten  some of it back.

Share this Cartoon.

04
Jan
11

We’re in the Big Leagues Now

Yay! My first guest column was published this Saturday! Here’s some of the funnier comments:

Pat Riot wrote:Karley does notr know a thing that he is
talking about. America is a Christian Nation because the first
Americans who saved this great land from the heathen Indians were
God fearing patriots who loved their country and wanted it to
remain exactly the same for their families and descendants. He
thinks that evil unbelievers could create the Divine Guide that is
our Constitution when he knows that Gods hand was guiding us every
step of the way. America must repent and return to the beliefs that
made it great before we are conqurred by radical Islam or North
Korea. If our Christian Founders were here today, we wouldn’t be
wasting time on universal health care or getting rid of atom bombs
or giving little tax cuts to people who do’nt even make businesses
for us.

I heard a little birdy tell me that this one was a Poe. But, it’s hard to tell, because the Poe is a Poe.

Av-I-Tar wrote:Sorry
Karly, you need to rethink your debating skills. Reference to God
is made in the Constitution. The Constitution We the People of the
United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union,, secure the
BLESSINGS of Liberty. [he continues with Bible quotes and
snippets from the Declaration of Independence. Because those are
totally relevant to the argument.]

The fact that they use the word “blessings” means they were totes Southern Baptists. In other news, today is Tuesday. That means I worship Týr. Dave, who wrote the letter I was responding to, said the same thing except he also threw in the name of a city. I’m convinced.

Mamita
wrote:Karley, I take back being mad at you over your comments re:
my sister’s letter to the editor. Will you kindly marry my stepson,
and become my daughter-in-law?

I dunno, you may not want your son to marry…

Just another form of bigot wrote:I take back anything I
said in support of this anti-Semite. Show us your tattoos obese
mama!! You want to slam anyone and anything who does not cotton to
your personal form of bigotry, but you are a bigot nonetheless, are
you not? Get real, and then, try to get a job. P.S. A lot of Jewish
people would like to be buried with their families and members of
their faith, I don’t necessarily think that includes Bass Pro Shops
and taxidermy. If you want to slam hunters and fisherman, why be so
subliminal about it? Does not appear to us you have driven by too
many Big Mac stands without stopping!! Absolutely incredible and
ridiculous. Of course now, your credibility is gone. Good luck with
that, big girl!!

This was my favorite, because it made me do this.

S/he’s referring to this post on tattoos, only filtered through Nonsense-O-Scope.
Apparently pointing out that not everyone cares if they can be buried in a Jewish cemetery or not is anti-Semitic. Five bucks says this person is not actually Jewish.

As for ragging on Bass Pro? Dude. I wasn’t joking when I said I wanted to be mounted there. After being harvested for donatable organs of course. As for being a jobless fat tattoo freak…how dare you! Good sir/madam, I’m afraid I don’t have any tattoos!

hey kaje…. wrote:How in the world can you justify in
your mind being so self-important that you think anyone wants to
spend time out of their short life finding out minutia about you?
…. Bizarro, but fits the leftist profile.

We are all commenting on Joplin Globe articles. No one cares about ANYTHING we do. Except for maybe the FBI, after the eventual shootup of a Unitarian Sunday school by Av-I-Tar or one of the other regs.

This person, by the way, is so not self-important that they don’t bother sticking with a name to call them out on. How humble. Or cowardly. I forget.

Thanks to all the non-rabid commenters for brightening up the joint!

28
Dec
10

It’s Even Worse When You Don’t Bother to Get the Quote Right

True story! Ask Dave Spiering. He's got the quote to prove it.

I don’t understand what people’s intentions are when they hold up the beliefs of individual Founders to prop up their arguments. Sure, these factoids are relevant from time to time. However, way too many people use them in the manner of “Founding Father X said (something), therefore we should (something),” as if these folks were infallible.

An example is in a recent Dave Spiering letter, in which he claims that America’s partisan bickering can be easily cured by everyone being True Christians™. Good idea! I bet that being identical to one another is sure to smooth out any tensions. That would probably work with any religion, though, and not just Spiering’s particular flavor of Christianity. It probably would work just as well if everyone became Scientologists, or Greens, or a species of hardy seabird. I digress though.

To back up his point, he misquotes John Adams, who he claims to have said that America was made for Christian people. Mr. Adams actually said, “our Constitution was made only for a moral and religious people.” Nice sleight-of-hand there to excuse non-Christian religions, Mr. Spiering! However, the real quote still spells doom for the moral and non-religious people, no?

My fellow debate-lovers and quote-droppers are probably writhing in their seats right now. “But wait! Most of the Founders were non-Christian deists! Even Mr. Adams got some zingers ripping on religion! One time he said, ‘This would be the best of all possible worlds, if there were no religion in it.’ Then there’s Thomas Paine and Benjamin Franklin…” and blah blah blah.

I think these quotes are, by and large, irrelevant. Patrick Henry said “give me liberty or give me death” during a time in his life when he owned 65 slaves. Patrick Henry’s 18th century ideas of liberty simply won’t fly in the 21st. I doubt there are many 18th century anythings that would.

Here are the only words of the Founders that matter: the ones that they bothered to commit to the U.S. Constitution. Back then it was the most radical thing out there. It said the people could govern themselves, without deferring to a king, and God isn’t even mentioned once. The closest thing we have is the freedom of religion bit, which implies that no, you don’t even have to defer to a god.

Not only are America’s cherished freedoms not dependent on Christianity, I would argue that America holds these freedoms in spite of it. We are free to view nothing as divine- not kingly authority, not gods, and not even out-of-context quotes from Founding Fathers.




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