Roundabouts: Man or Menace?

Guest Blogger Susie Anklelength

Guest Blogger Susie Anklelength

In the interest of fair and balanced coverage, Kajed Heat is proud to feature conservative guest blogger Susie Ankelength. An All-American girl from Main Street Real America, Susie is currently studying to become a think tank consultant and serves as vice president of the Youth Parcheesi Champions for Abstinence. Take it away, Susie!

First off, I would like to thank Johnny Kaje and the Globe for providing a platform for me. I would also like to passive-aggressively dangle accusations of bias over their head in an effort to boss them around, and maybe get my own blog.

Maybe the Globe has no choice but to silence conservative voices such as myself. After all, Obama and his jackbooted Hopetroopers are running roughshod all over America’s traditions and leaving only devastation in their wake.

Take roundabouts.

Do you want this around your children?

Do you want this around your children?

As I speak, a road in Duquesne is being torn up for a new roundabout. According to Joe Wilson, this is all part of a radical provision in Obama’s stimulus package to replace every stoplight in America with these sissy Eurotrash mazes. Yes, as is typical of liberalism, Europe Good, America Bad.

What is more Americana than stoplights? Did you know that the stoplight was invented by a black man? Yep. Garrett Augustus Morgan, a former slave, patented it in 1923. Just goes to show you that for all their screaming about our watermelon jokes, e-mail forwards, Kenya conspiracy theories,  toy monkeys in Obama shirts, anti-civil rights attitudes, and teabagger posters; it’s really the Democrats that are the racists.

This is also an embodiment of the Democrat’s socialist leanings. Like most good Americans, I work hard for the good things in life. But according to the rules of the roundabout, if some deadbeat in an El Camino arrives at the roundabout before a small business owner with a full time job, guess who has to yield first? This redistribution of right-of-ways is really the redistribution of WRONG-of-ways.

Roundabout proponents say that roundabouts are safer and more efficient than stoplights. More nanny state coddling-we certainly don’t what people to have to take responsibility for themselves, do we? They might become independent and self sufficient.

As for efficiency, you know what else is efficient? EUTHANASIA.

I don’t want a roundabout getting between me and my destination. More importantly, I don’t want a roundabout to get between me and my America. Do you?


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