Joplin Globe Madness: I Agree With Everything Before The Second Paragraph

We haven’t had a Joplin Globe Madness post in a while, since nothing’s really grabbed me and besides, this other guy does it better.

However, today we had a post from Dave Spiering, which grabbed me from the first paragraph:

Recently (Globe, April 8), a guest column, “Theology has ominous message,” argued that biblical prophecy has no place in our modern world.

He then demonstrates exactly how irrelevant to the modern world it is, by diving headfirst into untruths and blatant paranoid idiocy. This is all after a No True Scotsman disclaimer, natch. Don’t listen to those crazy Christians that run around in the woods playing Red Dawn, or cover up child abuse! Listen to the sane ones that practice obsessive-compulsive history revision and and believe environmental regulations are bad things!

Back when the Big Silly Jesus Circus was going down, I was going to submit my first proper guest column to the Globe. Alas, it takes me forever to whittle down a rough draft until it’s presentable, so it never got done. I am presenting the horribly written rough draft here, since I think it’s relevant to this letter:

“Truth About Dinosaurs” Fosters Inquiry, Atheism

I was delighted to hear that after a nine-year absence, the Creation Truth Foundation would finally return to southwest Missouri. I first attended their Truth About Dinosaurs seminar, which presented a Biblical view of life on Earth, way back when I was an 8th grader. Underneath the shadow of colossal replica skeletons, presenter Dr. Thomas Sharp passionately informed the audience about Biblical behemoths and flood stories from cultures around the world. It was mindblowing and awe-inspiring, especially for a dinosaur enthusiast such as myself. That seminar settled the issue for me: not only was creationism pure malarky, but any mythology that required the reassurance of such folks had to be malarky as well.

The sheer charlatanism on display was blinding. This dinosaur-loving teenager watched dumbfounded as this man proposed that duck-billed dinosaurs spat acid out of their head crests, that T-Rex used a mouth full of enameled steak knives to eat coconuts, that all of the world’s “kinds” of land animals (99.9% of which are now extinct) fit on a good-sized gopher wood boat, and that the world was created about 5,000 years after the domestication of dogs. Feathered dinosaurs and carbon dating dumb, magical fruits and talking snakes smart.

What would possess any person to carry out this blitzkrieg of baloney? Dr. Sharp tells us: “Either Adam sinned and death came into the world, or else death was in the world before Adam got here. If that is right, then the Bible is a fairy tale and the Gospel is a joke.” Well, if you say so, boss. From that day forward, I became a full-fledged atheist activist.

Dr. Sharp isn’t the only one that realizes this. The Abrahamic God is the God of the gaps, and more gaps are closed every day. Believers know it, and have to do all that it takes to preserve those gaps for God to frolic in and graze undisturbed. It’s either that, or redefine God until He’s unrecognizable from the original character. Non-believers and fundamentalists have the same criticism for the latter; it’s obvious that they’re making it up. Give fundamentalists credit for that; it’s pretty much the only thing they have that’s close to consistency. Otherwise they have to eschew consistency and other values of honest people in order to keep the charade going.

It may work in the short run, but you can’t fool all the people all the time. Creation Truth Ministries drove me away. All these years later, I’m an active participant in one of several local freethinker groups, and we get more and more members every meeting. In fact, nonbelief is rising around the country. People stumble across the information that Sunday school and PTA busybodies tried to shield them from, they read our science scores compared to the rest of the world, they saw what happened when fundamentalists and their cronies ran the country for eight years, they simply think about what they’ve been told. Most of all, they see the lack of evidence believers have and what they do to try and cover that up.

Dr. Sharp has his finger on it, but he hasn’t gotten the hint that his worst fear is pretty much confirmed. The fact that you have to defend the Bible with misinformation should be telling you something. Some people in the audience, however, do get the hint. The malicious lies, rhetorical gymnastics and embarrassing ignorance peddled by fundamentalists confirm Christianity’s irrelevance to those who value truth. That is why I’m excited that he’s coming back. We atheists always appreciate new members.


13 Responses to “Joplin Globe Madness: I Agree With Everything Before The Second Paragraph”

  1. 1 ansonburlingame
    April 22, 2010 at 7:59 pm


    I little empassioned no doubt, but not a bad counter to Christians from an atheist. Once again using your previous phrase “Faith is crap” I suppose I could imply another “Truth is supreme”.

    Exactly how you or anyone else determines “truth” is up for debate I suppose. “The sun rises in the East” (sort of depending or the time of the year and your location) is settled science. I find the 5000 year earth arguments to be totally unfounded. Now is the earth getting hotter or colder now and for the next ??? decades?

    As a believer in science I suppose you support the “Big Bang” theroy of the origins of the universe (this one). Thus far it makes a lot of sense to me. Now, Kaje, what exactly was “there” BEFORE the Big Bang. I have no idea for sure though string theory is suggesting perhaps our universe was created in the collision of two other and pre-existing universes.

    OK so what started the whole process of colliding universes and Big Bangs?

    My point is that our human minds are capable of asking questions that are for now unanswerable. I think that is a really beautiful ability, the ability to think, wonder and dream and probe the unknown just like the Starship Enterprise.

    Some find great comfort in “knowing” where they will “go” after death. You call it “crap” but they call it certainty. Do either of you have a corner on the market of truth for that unaswerable question? Show me the “proof” if you do.

    The human mind takes us to realms where “no man has gone before”. Is that bad and why do you get so upset with people that “go there” on faith? For that matter why do “they” get upset with you when you dispute their faith? Neither of you can really prove your points, so why argue.


    • April 23, 2010 at 6:23 pm


      The burden of proof is on the person making the extraordinary claim. If I said that back pain was caused by sprites that use your sleeping body as a trampoline, I best have some proof. Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence, yadda yadda.

      And I will keep arguing about it until people knock it off with this nonsense.

      Have you heard about the woman in Maryland who starved her one year old son to death because he didn’t say “amen”? (no link handy since typing on iPod; it was in the Baltimore Sun)

      Not only does she not get jail, but she’s required to go through a program that has required Bible study. Godcrap is so prevalent that not only does the judge see fit to prescribe godcrap in defiance of national law, he prescribes it to a woman who starved her one year old BECAUSE OF GODCRAP.

      When can we say enough is enough?

  2. 3 Calvin and Luther Will Kick Your Atheist Behind
    April 23, 2010 at 1:16 am

    Oh Bobo, Bobo, Bobo. Oh Bobo. Bobo.

    Greggy says Bobo.

  3. 5 ansonburlingame
    April 24, 2010 at 5:39 pm


    It works both ways. You wrote “…Christianity’s irrelevance to those who value truth.” You picked the age of the Earth and beginning of humanity as a point. OK.

    I point out “In the beginning was the Word and the Word became light”. To me that is a very good explanation of the Big Bang, “something” call it the Word or whatever becoming energy (light) and all else follows from that “singularity”. To me much of what Christ said and preached is very close to some fundamental truths and make a lot of sense for living a “good” and fruitful life.

    I can’t “prove” any of the above but I sure as hell believe it and try to act accordingly.

    I know I overuse your “Faith is crap” comment from several months ago. But therein shows a very fundamental disagreement between the two of us, in my view.

    For sure SOME faith or espoused faith is pure crap to me as well. But for sure not all of it.

    So go ahead and “beat up on the crazies” and I will leave you alone. Just don’t be too sweeping in your conclusions as a lot of atheists tend to be (Just as their “Christian counterparts tend to be as well)


    • April 25, 2010 at 4:30 pm

      “I point out “In the beginning was the Word and the Word became light”. To me that is a very good explanation of the Big Bang, “something” call it the Word or whatever becoming energy (light) and all else follows from that “singularity”. ”

      Ooooo, CaLWKYAB is going to have fun tearing that one apart.

      How do you determine what faith is crap and what isn’t? You can’t, because you’ve already eschewed empiricism. Your faith and that of Calwickyab are both on equal ground.

  4. 7 calvin and Luther Will Kick Your Atheist Behind
    April 25, 2010 at 9:08 pm

    What it all comes down to is this, the Gospel is true and never changes.


    Exodus 15:18 The LORD will reign forever and ever

    2 Chronicles 20:6 and said, “O LORD, God of our fathers, are you not God in heaven? You rule over all the kingdoms of the nations. In your hand are power and might, so that none is able to withstand you.

    Psalm 135:6 Whatever the LORD pleases, he does, in heaven and on earth, in the seas and all deeps.

    Isaiah 14:24 The LORD of hosts has sworn: “As I have planned, so shall it be, and as I have purposed, so shall it stand

    Proverbs 16:4 The LORD has made everything for its purpose, even the wicked for the day of trouble.

    Psalm 65:4 Blessed is the one you choose and bring near, to dwell in your courts! We shall be satisfied with the goodness of your house, the holiness of your temple!

    John 15:16 You did not choose me, but I chose you, and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you.

    1 Timothy 1:4 For we know, brothers, loved by God, that he has chosen you,

    Romans 9:13 As it is written, “Jacob I loved, but Esau I hated.”

    1 Peter 2:8 and “A stone of stumbling, and a rock of offense”. They stumble because they disobey the word, as they were destined to do.

    Ephesians 1:5 he predestined us for adoption through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will,

    Romans 9:16 So then it depends not on human will or exertion, but on God, who has mercy.

    Genesis 6:5 The LORD saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every intention of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually.

    Psalm 130:3 If you, O LORD, should mark iniquities, O LORD, who could stand?

    1 Corinthians 2:14 The natural person does not accept the things of the Spirit of God, for they are folly to him, and he is not able to understand them because they are spiritually discerned

    John 6:44 No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws him. And I will raise him up on the last day.

    John 6:65 and he said, “This is why I told you that no one can come to me unless it is granted by the Father.”.

    John 1:29 The next day he saw Jesus coming toward him, and said, “Behold, the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world!”.

    John 17:1-2 When Jesus had spoken these words, he lifted up his eyes to heaven, and said, “Father, the hour has come, glorify your Son that the Son may glorify you, since you have given him authority over all flesh, to give eternal life to all whom you have given him.

    1 Peter 1:3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead.

    1 John 4:10 In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.

    1 Thessalonians 5:23-24 Now may the God of peace himself sanctify you completely, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it.


  5. 9 calvin and Luther Will Kick Your Atheist Behind
    April 25, 2010 at 10:36 pm

    1 Corinthians 2:14 The natural person does not accept the things of the Spirit of God, for they are folly to him, and he is not able to understand them because they are spiritually discerned.

  6. 10 ansonburlingame
    April 26, 2010 at 2:51 pm

    GAG! Now pick which “lump” is caught in my throat.


  7. 11 calvin and Luther Will Kick Your Atheist Behind
    April 28, 2010 at 6:03 am

    2 Corinthians 2:14-16 But thanks be to God, who in Christ always leads us in triumphal procession, and through us spreads the fragrance of the knowledge of him everywhere. For we are the aroma of Christ to God among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing, to one a fragrance from death to death, to the other a fragrance from life to life. Who is sufficient for these things.

  8. March 21, 2011 at 6:02 pm

    I encourage all Bible believers to give it up and get into Dungeons and Dragons. I would rather hear someone explain the difference between Elves and Druids then hear this Bible crap any more.

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