Joplin Globe Madness: Introduce Your Child to Dying Puppies Today!

Haven’t done a JGM in a while. They all start to blend into each other after a while, like a wall of static. Stupid, inane static.

Who would’ve thought that a simple spay-and-neuter letter would stand out from the white noise? Ah, but this is no ordinary spay-and-neuter letter. This is Don Adams’ spay-and-neuter letter. Any doofus can regulate puppy mills and raise awareness with sissy pamphlets. But Adams has a more…extreme approach, with a Clockwork Orange-type aversion program starting with 3rd grade trips to dog pounds.

Later when these children reach, say, the 11th grade, we should bus them to see the unwanted pets euthanized. This has to be one of the saddest things they could ever see. We euthanize behind closed doors like it never happens. Let’s get this out in the open for all to see.

This I believe would convert the kids forever to saving pets by neutering.

Still, I don’t think Don’s plan goes quite far enough.The trips are too far apart, and 11th grade is too late for the euthanasia trip. By then they will all be detached teenage wiseasses who will be more likely to brush it off.

My amendment to this plan: Do it all during that third grade trip, including the euthanasia. For that matter, don’t make it a “field trip”. Instead, cart each student off individually to the pound to view the atrocity without support from their peers. Strap them into a little cart, like a haunted house ride. Maybe pry their eyes open, or shock them occasionally. Once the experience is over, tell them that this little trip will be the ultimate punishment for misbehaving in class. Now you have raised awareness, and cracked down on bad student behavior! Two birds, meet one stone.

If we implement Don’s plans, we will have an entire populace of traumatized citizens keenly aware of the horrors of overpopulation and a cynical outlook on life. Plus, less stray animals! I say go for it!


1 Response to “Joplin Globe Madness: Introduce Your Child to Dying Puppies Today!”

  1. 1 Whitney B. Fair
    June 20, 2010 at 5:14 pm

    Or they could donate the money that would be put forward for the field trips and actually pay for spaying and neutering the animals…introducing children to charity, social/political awareness, and saving cute little fuzzy animals…idk I like little fuzzy animals too much to support a program that would advocate the euthanasia of them, and introducing it to children/teens, that’s horrible…there are so many holes in this very warped plan…it mind boggling and frustrating to think about it.

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