Joplin Globe Madness! How to Make Your Obama Screed Stand Out

Pity the poor anti-Obama Globe letter! They are so many in number, and so uniform in their complaints, that it’s difficult for one to stand out among the teeming throng.

There are two main ways you can make your letter shine: the Mel Gibson route, and the Kathleen Parker route. With the former, you let the thin veil on your racist motives slip a nip. With the latter, you just be more jaw-droppingly trucknuts than everyone else.

They’re not mutually exclusive, of course. In today’s paper, Randy Brown relies mostly on the Kathleen, with a mere dash of scary-black-thug Meling. Savor these nuggets:

I knew electing an inexperienced, radically trained, egotistical orator would be a tragic mistake. I knew he saw in himself as a potential dictator every time he gave his speeches on high, with his nose elevated, speaking down to his subjects; not to mention what he was actually saying.

Who is this jackbooted egomaniac President Obama that sticks it to bipartisanship and spanks Real Merkins ™ like the spoiled rotten brats they are? What country is he president of? Can I move there?

And, just when you think the worst might has passed, the nightmare of what could be the tipping-point looms in the form of 2011, which may heretofore be known as the year of crushing government — in the form of huge tax increases, regulation, amnesty, and defense slashing, during a deepening recession.

Defense slashing! Regulation! How will the country run without laser planes and BP wells?!?

Even if the Republicans take back Congress, can their historically weak spines be relied upon?

…maybe this letter will make more sense if I switch the parties around. *reads* Nope. Still goofymail from WahWahLand.

Maybe the Katrina oil leak will finally have been stopped by then, leading to a decade of extensive clean up.

Wait…Katrina oil leak? I heard the leak was Obama’s Katrina, but blaming it on the actual hurricane (and by extension, blaming the hurricane on Obama) is a wee bit ridiculous.

If we could revisit the 2008 election, with today’s lessons learned, perhaps the electorate would realize that Mitt Romney was always the correct choice for taming the economic storm, not a pick based on racial guilt and clear reading.


That was a little mean-spirited and didn’t have much to do with anything, but Billy Madison is on. It’s my blog, so shut up. Have fun getting the godbot teabaggers to vote for a Mormon.

Randy, I hope you take some time out, go back to school and learn how to smart with your brains. But in the meantime, congrats on such an outstanding Anti-Obama Screed!


2 Responses to “Joplin Globe Madness! How to Make Your Obama Screed Stand Out”

  1. July 14, 2010 at 1:03 am


    Randy Brown is interchangeable with at least fifty talk radio junkies who haunt the Globe’s online comment section like retarded poltergeists. They’ve become so brainwashed that their op-ed submissions might as well be transcribed straight from Mark Levin’s girlish squeals. Void of an original thought, the Brown Brigade can only parrot what they’ve been conditioned to regurgitate.

    If you want to see one of our local dim-quack’s eyelids launch into an involuntary flutter, ask them to define conservatism without mentioning the word liberal. It’s a cruel trick, but it’s more humane than asking them to spell Condoleezza Rice’s first name.


    • July 14, 2010 at 2:05 pm

      I’m not convinced that Randy isn’t committing some form of sock-puppetry to inflate the numbers of interchangeable voices.

      I can hear the definition now: bwap bwap bwap personal responsibility bwap bwap bwap. Mention the fact that Republicans are infinitely more wasteful then Dems and listen to the steam escape their bodies in a shrill whistle.

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