We Won’t Protest Funerals Though

Jim Stone! I know I promised I would do a post on UFO photos to complement the one you did!

But! But! You posted this awesome link on your Facebook that is quite possibly the feel-good story of the year. I read this and I suddenly forgot the fact that it’s impossible to not elect a right-wing stooge into office, that humanity is on a fast track to extinction, and that the best movie of the year somehow flopped. I have to share this with everyone!

What single news story could possibly be such a catalyst for dopamine secretion? How about insufferabl busybodies getting a taste of their own medicine in a spectacular fashion? Yeah, it’s one thing for people to counter protest an invading gaggle of prudes- but how about bringing the protest to their turf?

And the ones bringing it are strippers?

The dancers at the Foxhole in Coschocton County, Ohio, are used to arriving at work to the sounds of protests from members of the nearby New Beginnings Ministries church. But the same couldn’t quite be said for the churchgoers, who showed up for services on Sunday and were greeted by the sight of bikini-clad protesters.

For the last four years, the pastor at New Beginnings has led a protest outside the Foxhole every weekend. Beyond just voicing their disapproval of the strip joint, the church members also videotape the license plates of the bar’s patrons and then post the info online.

So the crew at the Foxhole decided to give the churchgoers a taste of their own medicine, sitting outside the church in skimpy outfits and cooling each other down with Super Soakers as they grilled up burgers.

This article is full of so much win, I’m tempted to just copy paste the whole thing here. There are just so, so many highlights. Where to start?:

They also held signs with Bible quotes like:
Matthew 7:15: Beware of false prophets who come to you in sheep’s clothing
Revelations 22:11: He that is unjust, let him be unjust still

Or how about:

“When these morons go away, we’ll go away,” (the club owner) said. “The great thing about this country is that everyone has a right to believe what they want.”

Or how about this hard dose of reality:

One of the Foxhole dancers, a married mother-of-six, says the protesters outside the strip club every weekend are ill-informed:

These church people say horrible things about us… They say we’re homewreckers and whores. The fact of the matter is, we’re working to keep our own homes together, to give our kids what they need.

Or how about this slam:

“They’re just mad,” he said, “because their wives won’t let them come to my club.”

And the church people see it as a test of faith, and it feeds their oh-so-hungry persecution complex. Everybody wins!

 There is another reason for the win in this. The frustrating thing about not being a fundie goober is the moral standards. This means fundies protest your business, your place of worship (if you have one), or your funeral, and you don’t return the favor. In the last instance it’s because you’re dead, but in the other two it’s because you know how annoying it is and won’t even stoop to that level.

I call bullcrap. They never expect people to picket their hubs, because they have the privilige of having enemies with standards. We need to play dirty too, and give busybodies their just desserts. 

You may be worried. “Wouldn’t that drive people away from whatever cause you’re for?” Maybe. But then again, maybe not. Have you seen what most church protests look like? Look at Westboro. A bunch of joyless old people frowning at you. Yawn. If they’re lucky they recruit some fresh-faced youth to look less joyless, but usually it doesn’t work. The most fun to be had is finding the inevitable typos in their signs.

Compare that with the Comic-con counterprotesters, or the strippers, or any GLBT or pro-choice rally. Signs that actually make you laugh intentionally, and think. Good food and games! Bikinis and supersoakers and laughter! Heck yes!

On that note…does anyone know where John Putnam’s weird little group meets? Purely out of curiosity.


4 Responses to “We Won’t Protest Funerals Though”

  1. 1 Rawhead
    August 28, 2010 at 5:58 am

    In the past they have met at the Grace Episcopal Church in Carthage… fitting?

  2. 2 Rawhead
    August 28, 2010 at 6:02 am

    Carl Junction Christian Church, according to a document here: http://www.meetup.com/SWMO-CDE/files/

  3. 3 calvin and luther can kick your atheist behind
    August 29, 2010 at 1:04 am

    Let’s not forget that these strippers are being exploited and used. Of course it is their right to allow themselves to be exploited and used. BUT…I can’t find anything about any of it amusing. It just makes me sad.

    • August 30, 2010 at 1:34 pm

      That may be true in a lot of cases, BUT thanks to the explosion of blogging I’ve learned the hard way not to assume the worst about strippers and other sex workers.

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