Archive for January, 2011


JGM: Knights?

Okay, okay, I know that the Theory of Rita-tivity implies that Gary L. Stewart’s letter can be immediately discounted due to agreeing with Rita Crowell. Still.

Talk show host Chuck Bates declared that the present statistic of daily abortions is 4,000. If this is true, it’s so sad.

Talk show hosts are always reliable! Does anyone know how to say “talk show host” in Latin? In the meantime I will dub this fallacy argumentum ad Mauryeum.

Also, everyone, please understand, if Congress does not repeal the health care bill, billions of dollars taken from us will be given to Planned Parenthood to pay for even more innocent lives to end. Innocent blood sacrificed to the god of Mammon or to the evil people who seem to hate human beings for whatever reason.

I know I beat this into the ground, but do anti-choicers ever freakin’ listen to themselves? Jeez.

Last November we put 80 more knights of good in place to defend our children and grandchildren. There is more hope for them than before.

About your “knights of good”…

— They’re OK with your children and granchildren being forced into marriage.

— They’re OK with your children and grandchildren being raped- as long as it’s not by force.

With this legislation, which was introduced last week by Rep. Chris Smith (R-N.J.), Republicans propose that the rape exemption be limited to “forcible rape.” This would rule out federal assistance for abortions in many rape cases, including instances of statutory rape, many of which are non-forcible.

–They’re OK with your children and grandchildren dying of back alley abortions because they can’t access safe, legal ones. Like in Pennsylvania, which has a crazy amount of restrictions.

— They’re OK with your children and grandchildren dying in wars, dying because of a lack of health care, being poisoned by industiral pollution, exploited by corporations, and so on and so on…

Your knights will not only not defend your children and grandchildren after they are born, they will wage war against them.


Sophisticated Theology

Courtesy of James, son of Jim, we have another church sign that provides an alternative view to the comic I just posted.

Now I know why football teams always pray to God before games. God’s a total jock!

I hope Satan isn’t driven to suicide over this constant bullying. If that were to happen, the school board better come down hard on God. Maybe send Christians to sensitivity training.

Don’t worry Satan! It gets better!


Another Tragedy Not Fueled By Political Rhetoric, Plus a Request

This is one you’re not hearing from the liberal lamestream media.

Shawna Forde, a leader of a spinoff group of Minutemen (which here is defined as “xenophobic gun nuts who run around in the desert playing vigilante border guard”), was in need of dough. Instead of selling angel food cakes like normal people, she and her group came up with the brilliant idea to raid the homes of drug smugglers for cash. So they targeted the home of the Flores family, who were non-drug smuggling American citizens.

Early on the morning of May 30, 2009, Raul Flores heard a knock at the door of his Arivaca, Arizona, home. When he opened it, he found a man and a woman claiming to be law-enforcement officers in search of fugitives. Minutes later, the man shot Flores to death. Then, authorities say, he pumped three bullets into Flores’ wife, Gina Gonzalez, who survived but played dead. “Why did you shoot my mom?” Gonzalez’s 9-year-old daughter, Brisenia Flores, asked the gunman, according to prosecutors. Those were her last words. The man put a gun to her head, fired off two rounds, and killed her.  (The Daily Beast)

Shawna Forde was acting in official capacity as the leader an offshoot of Minutemen, has ties to Aryan Nation groups, and has alluded to waging race wars and war against the U.S. government in the past. In short, she was yet another lone nut who was completely unaffected by right-wing rhetoric. Just like the last 20 that we’ve heard of.

This story, like the MLK bomb planter and most other people murdered senselessly for stupid authoritarian causes, has been totally ignored by the media. My request is this: tell everyone you know about this story. Follow that link and play the 911 call a mother made after her husband and 9-year old daughter were gunned down before her eyes.

People need to hear about this, but no one’s willing to speak up.


Yet Another Lame-O Comic

My comic class final below the jump. Rated NSFW for tiresome anti-theistic sentiment, language, nudity, and dirty linework.

Guaranteed not to be as bad as the Holocaust.

Continue reading ‘Yet Another Lame-O Comic’


JGM: 13 Letters About One Thing

Do you think that Don E. Corder just tacks on a soundbite for intelligent design at the end of every conversation in real life?

“One box of Cocoa Puffs…will you be paying with cash or credit today, sir?”

“Yep. I’m coo-coo for Cocoa Puffs today. Like Sonny, my rational (ordered) mind is often swayed by emotional (disordered) lapses.”

“….o…kaaaay…I’m more of a Trix fan myself…”

“Those kids in the commercials really need to open their minds a little. Explore the possibilities. Scientists will dissect dead rabbits and say sugary cereal isn’t any good for them. With us simple folk, we know that good food is meant to be enjoyed.”

“Riiiiiight…$9.53 is your change. You have a good day, sir!”

“You too!…

…teach intelligent design in schools!”


Meanwhile, someone’s complaining about animals again! We always appreciate your input, Burne-

-wait, Ed Goebel?!?

This is an unacceptable breach into Burney Johnson’s domain of rabid, obsessive specisim. I recommend that he sneak into Ed’s territory and pee on something that belongs to him. Like a chair or something. That’ll put him in his place, the way God intended.


Nobody’s Taking Your N-Word Away

So! I heard there’s this new version of Huck Finn that says “slave” instead of “nigger”. I have heard this several godzillion times. As have you. This story seems to sting America more than a congresswoman getting a bullet in the brain.

Disclaimer: I, too, think it’s stupid. So do the vast majority of people, including most non-stupid people.

How do you differentiate between the stupid and non-stupid? Easy. The stupid ones bring up rap music.

Facebook! Help me out!

Not depicted: Jello puddin' pops

Or, they think that all future copies of the book will be edited, and current copies burned en masse by order of the Ministry of Literature.

Also, rap!

Or…I don’t even know what the hell this is.

I censored this lady's name. You will never know the historical context and your education will suffer as a result. Political correctness gone wild!

Either this woman is perpetrating the most slapdash retcon ever, or she’s somehow thinking of the word “raptor.” Your knowledge of Latin is only impressive if you get your terms right, hun.

Ah, remember the time when the Globe’s Facebook page was a lot less insufferable than comments on the Globe site itself? I blame you, intelligent tech-savvy youth, for teaching your dumb relatives how to set up Facebook accounts.

Anyway! Let’s tackle the censorship angle, shall we? It’s true, censoring the word is stupid and prudish. However, only one publisher is doing this. If you want the uncensored version, your limited options are every other publisher of the book. The one world government isn’t pulling a George Lucas and annihilating the original version. It’s an option for people who can’t handle “nigger” in a historical context. Stop making up stories about PC Police. In fact, the only calls for one version being banned completely seems to be coming from our side, from those who don’t understand that our version is not being completely replaced by the other version.

Now to the rap music part…why am I even dignifying this with a rebuttal? I could bring up privilege, reclamation, intent, all that to the white people who just have a bug up their arse about black people and wouldn’t want to hear the facts anyway. That’s all unnecessary, however.

We have established that the new Huck Finn is merely a censored alternative to the original, correct? So for this to be a double standard, it would have to be impossible for record companies to release censored versions of songs that normally have objectionable language. If you’re like me and have been burned by purchasing a “clean” CD at Wal-Mart (or worse, was exposed to Kidz Bop), you know this is not the case.

Sorry folks, but your demands for the scary black music to be neutered in retaliation are completely toothless. Tipper Gore already gave you Parental Advisory stickers, what more do you want?


Thumbs Up

This story has sucked the joy out of me.

Steve Benson cartoon-- Giffords gives a thumbs up

c/o Steve Benson.

But now I’ve gotten  some of it back.

Share this Cartoon.

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