16
Jan
11

Nobody’s Taking Your N-Word Away

So! I heard there’s this new version of Huck Finn that says “slave” instead of “nigger”. I have heard this several godzillion times. As have you. This story seems to sting America more than a congresswoman getting a bullet in the brain.

Disclaimer: I, too, think it’s stupid. So do the vast majority of people, including most non-stupid people.

How do you differentiate between the stupid and non-stupid? Easy. The stupid ones bring up rap music.

Facebook! Help me out!

Not depicted: Jello puddin' pops

Or, they think that all future copies of the book will be edited, and current copies burned en masse by order of the Ministry of Literature.

Also, rap!

Or…I don’t even know what the hell this is.

I censored this lady's name. You will never know the historical context and your education will suffer as a result. Political correctness gone wild!

Either this woman is perpetrating the most slapdash retcon ever, or she’s somehow thinking of the word “raptor.” Your knowledge of Latin is only impressive if you get your terms right, hun.

Ah, remember the time when the Globe’s Facebook page was a lot less insufferable than comments on the Globe site itself? I blame you, intelligent tech-savvy youth, for teaching your dumb relatives how to set up Facebook accounts.

Anyway! Let’s tackle the censorship angle, shall we? It’s true, censoring the word is stupid and prudish. However, only one publisher is doing this. If you want the uncensored version, your limited options are every other publisher of the book. The one world government isn’t pulling a George Lucas and annihilating the original version. It’s an option for people who can’t handle “nigger” in a historical context. Stop making up stories about PC Police. In fact, the only calls for one version being banned completely seems to be coming from our side, from those who don’t understand that our version is not being completely replaced by the other version.

Now to the rap music part…why am I even dignifying this with a rebuttal? I could bring up privilege, reclamation, intent, all that to the white people who just have a bug up their arse about black people and wouldn’t want to hear the facts anyway. That’s all unnecessary, however.

We have established that the new Huck Finn is merely a censored alternative to the original, correct? So for this to be a double standard, it would have to be impossible for record companies to release censored versions of songs that normally have objectionable language. If you’re like me and have been burned by purchasing a “clean” CD at Wal-Mart (or worse, was exposed to Kidz Bop), you know this is not the case.

Sorry folks, but your demands for the scary black music to be neutered in retaliation are completely toothless. Tipper Gore already gave you Parental Advisory stickers, what more do you want?

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