18
Jun
11

Let’s All Move to Liberal, MO

“Hey Kaje!”

Aye?

“It’s been three weeks now. You’ve had enough downtime, eh?”

Downtime?

“From your blog.”

Blog?

“You haven’t updated since before the tornado. We want to hear about the return trip to the creation museum.”

Oh right. Yeah. It was the same as the first time only with adorable English accents. We cut out early because one of the Springfield Freethinkers started debating the staff and time started to loop. We left just in time to get caught in the storm on I-44.

“You want to talk about it?”

No. I want to talk about this Alternet article and add a point or two to it.

“You must have had a traumatic time, not wanting to talk about it.”

No, I don’t want to talk about it because my story is fucking boring.

“Why all the fucking downtime then?”

I was too busy working and battling my tonsils. Yeah, sorry about that. Anyway, Alternet!

It'd also help if we got our own musical...

Adam Lee asks why atheists don’t get off their asses and become a major political force, like the less numerous Mormons do. He answers his own question with the obvious answer–we’re just too darn independent and stuff. Herding cats and somesuch. Which is true.

There’ something else to consider, which is that unfortunate bug of meatspace called “geography.” I am a member of this very large minority demographic. However, there’s not many other members of this demographic in my voting district.  The reality of voting while living in Godbaggia is that my vote gets steamrolled every time. It doesn’t matter that there’s lots of people like me out there, the point is that there aren’t any here.

The Mormons, on the other hand, are much more concentrated in their population. The reason that a smallish religion like Mormonism can get political candidates elected is because they control entire voting districts.

This is true for any religion over atheism. Atheism is usually a consequence of independent thought, while religion is usually unthinking ingroup tradition. It’s much less likely to grow concentrated populations of political aware atheists.

It’s not like it hasn’t been tried. American history is rife with communities that were set up as havens for the piously incorrect, such as nearby Liberal, MO. Of course, those towns were quickly set upon by missionaries (or as I like to call them, “motherfucking asshole missionaries”)  and quickly reacquired by the forces of prudery and Christian rock.

Might I make a suggestion, to whomever may be listening? I invite liberal nonbelievers across the country to move to southwest Missouri. Stuff is cheap, Skepticon is a two hour drive away, beautiful prairies and forests, all the meth you could ever inject. Plus you would get the satisfaction of voting Billy Long, the Blunts and other Repubs off the goddamn continent.

“You sound tense. Are you sure you don’t need—?”

I’m tense because fucking WordPress keeps fucking eating my fucking drafts. I just want this post to be over. It’s Soul Calibur time.

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4 Responses to “Let’s All Move to Liberal, MO”


  1. 1 Jeremiah
    June 21, 2011 at 12:59 am

    Yeah, well, that’s also assuming atheism solely defines you and your vote. For instance, I would have much more in common with a Christian who actually believes in altruism, meekness and helping the poor–you know, New Testament shit–than some atheistic Ayn Randian libertarian, of which there are quite a few. I wish someone would set up a community called Justdon’tbeanassholeville and the guiding rule would be you can’t hide behind any philosophy–religious, political or otherwise–as an excuse for being an asshole. Also I just noticed you specified “liberal nonbelievers” so carry on … Good to see you back at the blog.

    • June 21, 2011 at 1:10 am

      I’d assume that atheists would vote as a block on certain issues, such as separation of church and state, but you’re right. The only unifying characteristic of atheists is the fact that they lack god belief.

  2. 3 Calvin and Luther Can Kick Your Atheist Behind.
    June 25, 2011 at 1:03 am

    It’s amazing how many times you can offend in just a few paragraphs.


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