Archive for April, 2013

12
Apr
13

Joplin Globe Madness: WHAT DID I TELL YOU?!?

Well, actually, I told you nothing, because when Marta Mossburg wrote that stupid ass column last week, I wrote a rough draft for a post, and then abandoned it because I couldn’t condense my rage into a cohesive post. Basic gist: History Channel is emboldening stupid people. Again. This time with The Bible, their new stupid miniseries.

I seriously just published that a few minutes ago, for context to this post. Read it here. It’s a rough draft. Be gentle.

Anyway, look here! My prophecy came true! Turns out humoring stupid beliefs just emboldens the belief holders! Like Bryan Sperry here. The Bible is the springboard for some good ol’ JGM godgunnery.

I was watching the TV version of “The Bible.” I noticed all of the beatings and killings did not involve a single gun.

Also scientists that lived before 1860 did not believe in evolution, and Alexander the Great conquered the western world without launching a single plane. Continuity is weird like that.

Taking away our guns is not the solution. It is the first thing that a would-be dictator would do. If people would accept Christ as their savior, it would be a much better world.

Remember kids…all powerful, megalomaniacal sociopathic control freaks are bad. Unless he lives in the clouds. Then he’s cool.

Of course, there are those groups that will not allow their members to even read about Christ. This is the height of ignorance. They are apparently afraid of the truth. I was in church today with about 2,000 people. What a pleasant experience to be with that many people who know how to love.

Five bucks says most of those people sitting next to him haven’t actually read the damn thing. Research backs me up.

I helped fight the Germans in the Battle of the Bulge, and the Lord was with me every step of the way. The Belgians are very appreciative now. I recently wrote a book to help young people to know how to live their life to the fullest as a born-again Christian.

He must not have published it yet, because I can’t turn anything up on Google . I did find this artist from Chicago with the same name. Pittsburg Bryan Sperry should have Chicago Bryan Sperry do the cover art. That might trick the kids into reading it.

I wonder, if the History Channel stuck with their usual fare, what would have inspired Bryan to write this?

I’ve noticed that people have killed each other for centuries without guns…but how could they, with such primitive technology?

ALIENS

12
Apr
13

It Must Be True, I Saw it on History Channel

I listen to K-LOVE every weekday now, although not by choice. For those of you unfamiliar, K-LOVE plays “positive, encouraging” Christian music and is repetitive aural garbage, but I repeat myself.*

One day they were talking about The Bible. It’s a Christian music station, of course, but they weren’t talking about the the Bible-Bible, they were talking about The Bible series on the History Channel. Dusty can sum it up much better than I can,

The lady K-Love host was gushing. Paraphrasing here (I can’t be arsed to find a transcript for a date I can’t recall on a station I hate) she said “This all is real, it’s not a fairy tale!”. So good job, cable TV. You pander to the stupid people for a quick buck and in doing so you humor their stupid beliefs.

“Seriously, Kaje, History Channel runs Bigfoot specials and Ancient Aliens. Everyone knows that they just play bullshit nowadays. What’s the worry?”

Well, apparently the K-Love hosts don’t know that. Neither does a whole lot of the general public. Neither does Marta Mossburg, the Joplin Globe’s favorite gibbering nitwit Marylander. Keep on telling the masses what they want to hear. A talking snake is not jaw-droppingly idiotic. Hollywood persecutes Christians. Our depiction of the most popular religion in the world is somehow edgy.

Marta’s column is mostly about the latter hopeless falsehood, which is easily debunked. Hollywood (as if the entertainment industry is a monolith, which it isn’t) doesn’t shy away from godbaggery and conservative bullshit. Especially not The History Channel. Here’s something interesting I found on STFUConservatives: An anonymous poster who claims to work in TV programming said this:

We get told things like ‘our demographic doesn’t want to see women as scientist experts’ and so forth. Those people are told that by people above them who are told that by ratings and research and statistics. So, you see, it’s a sick incestuous cycle. More conservatives watch, and so they cater more shows to that audience.

Get that? History Channel isn’t being super brave and risk-taking. It’s par for the course for them. Psuedohistorical bullshit and pandering is their bread and butter.

*People who are afraid of sexual feelings just need to stay away from all forms of art.




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