Remember: Republicans Hate You

I don’t read the physical paper as much as I used to. However, yesterday I picked one up off of a booth after someone else read it (after all, I am entitled to free papers, just as everything else, yes?) and what grabbed me wasn’t anything local. It was the cartoon they ran.

 

Image c/o The Boston Herald

I was like “Cool! They’re running Kelly’s stuff from the Onion!”

image c/o the Onion

But then I noticed the lack of a crying Statue of Liberty, and also that is was drawn by Jerry Holbert, who actually thinks this way.

Remember! If you’re insulted when Romney insults you, that means you’re a victim-victimy-victimpants! So vote for him! Also people on disability are weak whiners who should be mocked.

Ah, first Akin, then Romney…this is exquisite. Exquisite. This must be how Romney feels when he fires large swaths of people.

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Santa: The Trojan Horse in the War on Christmas

You know who else was red? STALIN.

Why am I blogging about Christmas in spring? One reason, because other news around here is too damn depressing (Man, Nevada, you suck). Two, I never get tired of blogging about conservative freakouts.

Christian conservatives warn America of a War on Christmas, under the impression that deemphasizing Santa and his reindeer is secular subterfuge. However, a new poll (c/o the Wisconsin Daily Mirror) suggests that giving Santa the boot may be a boon to curbing the rising atheist population.

The group asked atheists, agnostics, secular humanists and other non-believers to name a catalyst to their deconversion. The number one answer by about 48%? Finding out the truth about Santa Claus. OH SNAP:

When asked about their lack of belief, many atheists and agnostics point to a perceived lack of evidence, corruption in organized religion, or the seeming indifference of the universe. However, when asked to name a specific life event that led them down this path, nearly half pointed not to the man on the cross, but to the man on the rooftop.

According to a survey conducted by PEW Research, when asked what one event they could contribute to their atheism, a whopping 48% cited finding out the truth about Santa Claus as the catalyst.

It must be because atheists are so materialistic, right? Well, not really. Take it away Dr. Pazzo:

“It’s a true case of a slippery slope,” says PEW researcher Dr. April Pazzo. “Their parents raise them to have faith in a magical, kindly figure, a faith which is inevitably betrayed. When these same parents ask them to believe in a loving, miraculous figure, it’s more difficult to believe.”

It looks like the religious are already scrambling for excuses and solutions. The guy they quote in the article says that obviously, Santa has to go. Good luck with that (edit mine).

According to [Father Pabo Sah Woor], “People need to remember who we celebrate Christmas for. It’s not about gifts, reindeer and family. When you take Christ out of Christmas, you start taking Christ out of your life.”

One of those things is not like the other, Pops. Have fun telling people to quit using one of the best traditional aspects of the holiday.

Who Haven’t the Republicans Whipped Out Their Haterade On?

(image c/o Mother Jones)

Let’s see. They covered vulnerable voters with ACORN. They are losing the Wisconsin battle, but are winning the war on unions. They’re currently whacking away at uppity bitches. Who else is left?

Oh hey…don’t forget college students!

“Voting as a liberal. That’s what kids do,” [NH Speaker William O’Brien] added, his comments taped by a state Democratic Party staffer and posted on YouTube. Students lack “life experience,” and “they just vote their feelings.”

New Hampshire House Republicans are pushing for new laws that would prohibit many college students from voting in the state – and effectively keep some from voting at all.

One bill would permit students to vote in their college towns only if they or their parents had previously established permanent residency there – requiring all others to vote in the states or other New Hampshire towns they come from. Another bill would end Election Day registration, which O’Brien said unleashes swarms of students on polling places, creating opportunities for fraud.

I think that just about covers it!

Hey, you remember when the Reps succeeded in destroying ACORN with its fake-ass “pimp sting” (much like that stupid Lila Rose failcow and her failcow stunt)? Because that demonstrated voter fraud on ACORN’s part, somehow. Meanwhile, Republicans are actively passing laws to  disenfranchise voters. LOL.

Another Tragedy Not Fueled By Political Rhetoric, Plus a Request

This is one you’re not hearing from the liberal lamestream media.

Shawna Forde, a leader of a spinoff group of Minutemen (which here is defined as “xenophobic gun nuts who run around in the desert playing vigilante border guard”), was in need of dough. Instead of selling angel food cakes like normal people, she and her group came up with the brilliant idea to raid the homes of drug smugglers for cash. So they targeted the home of the Flores family, who were non-drug smuggling American citizens.

Early on the morning of May 30, 2009, Raul Flores heard a knock at the door of his Arivaca, Arizona, home. When he opened it, he found a man and a woman claiming to be law-enforcement officers in search of fugitives. Minutes later, the man shot Flores to death. Then, authorities say, he pumped three bullets into Flores’ wife, Gina Gonzalez, who survived but played dead. “Why did you shoot my mom?” Gonzalez’s 9-year-old daughter, Brisenia Flores, asked the gunman, according to prosecutors. Those were her last words. The man put a gun to her head, fired off two rounds, and killed her.  (The Daily Beast)

Shawna Forde was acting in official capacity as the leader an offshoot of Minutemen, has ties to Aryan Nation groups, and has alluded to waging race wars and war against the U.S. government in the past. In short, she was yet another lone nut who was completely unaffected by right-wing rhetoric. Just like the last 20 that we’ve heard of.

This story, like the MLK bomb planter and most other people murdered senselessly for stupid authoritarian causes, has been totally ignored by the media. My request is this: tell everyone you know about this story. Follow that link and play the 911 call a mother made after her husband and 9-year old daughter were gunned down before her eyes.

People need to hear about this, but no one’s willing to speak up.

Stupid Ferschluggina Principles

Most of the merchandise I design (which you can purchase here, by the by) have their genesis in pure rage. It’s probably not good for my mental health, but eh. I try to censor myself, at least. Whichever ones don’t pass the civilized human being test after a brief cool-off period, I chuck.

For example, after a day of being confronted with the reality of Peak Everything, I made a bumper sticker urging folks to spay or neuter their teenagers. But it was a pinch too eugenic for my comfort, so out it went.

Shows how much I know.

Maybe I should listen to Anson and start chucking my principles out instead. I’ll start by posting pictures of brick-worthy bumper stickers without bothering to censor the license plate.

With Allies Like These…

As long as we’re bringing up Confederate Americans and other oxymorons, I’ve got this hilarious story about gay conservatives c/o Shakesville.

GOProud, which describes itself as representing “gay conservatives and their allies”, invited Ann Coulter to speak at their event. Here’s the poster:

That’s not the funniest part.

After word got out, Ann was disinvited from an event hosted by conservative cacophonic orchestra of nutzoid, WorldNetDaily.

WND says that Coulter’s decision to speak at Homocon, an event sponsored by a gay Republican organization called GOProud, disqualifies her from speaking at their “Taking America Back National Conference.”

“Ultimately, as a matter of principle, it would not make sense for us to have Ann speak to a conference about ‘taking America back’ when she clearly does not recognize that the ideals to be espoused there simply do not include the radical and very ‘unconservative’ agenda represented by GOProud,” WND editor and CEO Joseph Farah said. “The drift of the conservative movement to a brand of materialistic libertarianism is one of the main reasons we planned this conference from the beginning.”

That’s not the funniest part.

The funniest part came when Coulter stuck up for gay conservatives like the ally she is:

“They hired me to give a speech, so I’m giving a speech. I do it all the time,” she said. “I speak to a lot of groups and do not endorse them. I speak at Harvard and I certainly don’t endorse their views. I’ve spoken to Democratic groups and liberal Republican groups that loooove abortion. The main thing I do is speak on college campuses, which is about the equivalent of speaking at an al-Qaida conference. I’m sure I agree with GOProud more than I do with at least half of my college audiences. But in any event, giving a speech is not an endorsement of every position held by the people I’m speaking to.”

She doesn’t really like queers, but by God she’ll take their money. Just like Judy Garland!

Now that’s funny.

September 12 is Burn the Confederate Flag Day!

What a bummer summer, eh? It’s super-hot, no jobs can be found, the Joplin Honkies keep squeaking pitifully for the street cred they can never have, the illusion that there’s much difference between the two parties has been resoundingly squished, and my Zazzle store could use some more customers.

The people are desperate for a pick-me-up. Pick-you-up. Pick-us-up. Whatever, we need one.

Well, brace yourself- September 12th is now Burn the Confederate Flag Day.

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!

Burn the Confederate Flag Day is a protest against the right’s exploitation of racial prejudice for political gain.  We urge you to burn the Confederate flag, a long-time symbol of racial hatred, on Sept 12, the date when the racially-divisive Tea Party holds its annual hate fest.

Are you still standing, or were you bowled over by the sheer win?

One of my life goals is to create a nationwide holiday of a sort, specifically a Guy Fawkes parallel for America. Naturally, when I heard about this, I was swept in a tidal wave of jealousy for not thinking it up first. Seriously, it’s the perfect holiday- it’s patriotic, it involves pyrotechnics, and it infuriates racists!

This more than makes up for the other day, when I saw a 9 year old girl wearing this shirt:

I navigated several infuriating white power sites to find this for you. You're welcome.

Oh man, if my schedule’s good, I am sooooo going to organize one of these in Joplin. Stay tuned. In the meantime, I await the indignant bwap bwap bwap of “STATE’S RIGHTS! NOT RACIST! HERITAGE! NORTHERN AGGRESSION!” and other such idiocies.